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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

News Freshly Faked

President Obama called for tough knife control legislation after an attacker in Texas wounded 14 people on a college campus. "We need to limit these high capacity knives that allow a single person to do so much damage so quickly. I propose limiting pocket knives to no more than 2 blades, 1 screwdriver and a can opener. No one 'needs' a corkscrew or a pair of scissors on a knife! That is just the kind of reckless behavior that leads to these kinds of tragedies"

Joe Biden was saddened to learn of the death of Margeret Thatcher this week. "She will be missed. She was always my favorite mouseketeer and those beach movies were fantastic."

Climate Global Warming theorists claimed victory this week when data proved that this past March was only the 19th coldest on record thus proving that warming is occuring. A noted warming skeptic released this statement; 'Wait, what?'

Economy George Bush made headlines last week by once again causing the Jobs report to be dismal. In a news conference president Obama stated " We are still not sure how he does it, but former President Bush is the biggest drag on this economy ever. The FBI is investigating and charges will be filed soon. In the meantime please enjoy your free health care."

Axe body Spray launched a promotion this month to send a winner to space. As a result all Nasa employees are required to "like" Axe on Facebook and enter as often as possible.




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