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Monday, October 29, 2012

On Democraps and Paul Romney

"Daddy why are the Democraps so mean to Paul Romney?" Those words innocently uttered by my 9 year old daughter changed the way we talk about politics in my home forever.

Like so many families across this nation, mine has grown tired of the endless barrage of political ads on TV and radio. My wife refuses to watch live TV and will now only watch shows that have been recorded so that she can skip the ads. My youngest worries about starting a fight with a friend by liking the wrong candidate. My oldest is trying to learn about the process but is confused by all the ads which if true mean that whichever person wins the world will end soon after.

A while ago the oldest approached me and asked why I liked Mitt Romney, since the ad she just saw said he wants women to die from cancer. What followed was a lengthy discussion about politics and advertising at least some of which must have been overheard by the 9 year old. It was a few days latter that the now famous words were spoken aloud for the first time.

We were in the car on the way to Church and the words" Daddy, why are the Democraps so mean to Paul Romney?" floated from the rear of the vehicle on the wings of a dove. So sweet, so innocent so child-like in the naivete. We responded in the only way we could, with gut busting laughter.

Since that day we have decided to take the whole process a little less seriously. After all, how can you take someone that calls himself a "crap" seriously? Around our house it has become Barack Obama and his team of Craps up against Paul Romney. we are trying to have as much fun with it as possible. For example while playing "Catch Phrase" Paul Romney (or Mitt Ryan) will be shouted as an answer more often than not. My phone will ring occasionally and on the other end will be a 9 year old shouting Mitt Romney!

Single handedly my daughter took what was a dreadful fall and filled it with life and humor. Now, we can talk about the issues and the events without becoming grim.

So to anyone who is struggling this season with all the hate and vitriol on display, just remember; you should not expect too much from people that call themselves "craps".


(PS Early voting is underway in many areas. I have cast my ballot already so that I can volunteer on election day. I highly recommend early voting as a quick simple method to avoid the rush on Nov. 6th)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

News Freshly Faked

Horses And Bayonets became a popular topic after the final Presidential debate of the season this week. Barack Obama in what many claim was an attempt at humor pointed out that in addition to having fewer ships than we did in 1916 we also have fewer bayonets and horses. Bloggers instantly criticized him for be inaccurate in that we do in fact have more Bayonets and nearly as many horses. The President seemed to agree that it was a joke however insiders have released what was meant to be the October surprise, an executive order bailing out the bayonets and Buggy Whip industries.

Chris Matthews was disappointed that Mitt Romney agreed with so many parts of the President's foreign policy stating that the reason he did this was to pander to the racists in his party. (No joke here, sometimes reality is funnier than anything I could ever make up.)

Al Gore tweeted that he could not believe global warming was never mentioned in any of the debates stating: "Global Warming is the single issue in which I still am listened to in any manner, and no one brought it up! How dare they! I won a Noble Prize too you know!" A spokesman for the Romney campaign issued this response: "Al who?"

Benghazi: Chris Matthews put to rest the entire issue of Benghazi this week stating to a Romney supporter that despite all evidence, congressional testimony and statements by the Administration , the attack was not terrorism and was all about the "movie". As a result of this development investigators are trying to determine what films were being shown aboard the planes on 9/11/01 as that may have been the actual cause of the incidents.

Gun Control in the wake of a mass shooting in WI Democrat Legislators are calling for stricter gun laws. Apparently laws against murder are not enough to deter an act such as this but a fine for owning a gun after being accused of domestic violence would do the trick.

Saddam Hussein in a rare interview from the depths of hell stated this week that he supports Barack Obama and deeply wishes he had been President after 9/11/2001. "I just think things might have worked out differently for me, that is all I am saying."


FNN- Breaking News like a Bull Breaks China

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

On Stopping the Buck

Our fragile democracy is in even worse shape than I had previously feared.

Last evening in a stunning interview Secretary of State Hillary Clinton claimed full responsibility for the terrorist attack on September 11,2012. "The Buck stops with me" she said.

Think about that for a moment.

The unelected political appointee Hillary Clinton announced that it was her responsibility to protect the embassies and that the President and Vice President had no knowledge of or input into the situation. This is stunning as it can only mean one of 2 things:

1) President Obama has so abdicated his duties that his underlings no longer even bother trying to get him to be involved. It is the chief duty of the President to safeguard the lives of American citizens and defend this Nation and her assets. An Ambassador is the direct representative of this Nation and a personal envoy of the President himself. The Consulates are sovereign US soil. This attack should be considered virtually no different than burning the White House and killing the President. Yet Obama is so far removed from the situation as to not even care that it was terrorism and not just a "demonstration that got out of hand" His failure to attend his daily briefings certainly makes this version, the version Hillary Clinton WANTS us to believe; possible.

Yes, by claiming the the buck stops with her and not the President, Hillary is suggesting everything I wrote above. She wants us to think the President is either incapable or unwilling to do his job. So that is option 1 the elected leader of the Nation is powerless and incompetent.

------OR------

2) In an effort to protect the cover up Hillary Clinton is taking the blame for Obama.  This is nearly as troubling as the first option. This implies that while Obama is capable of doing his job he made a mistake of some sort. Mistakes happen and most rational people admit the mistake and then correct it. However, that is not what the President has chosen to do. He has chosen to put the election ahead of the safety of this Nation. By having Hillary Clinton take the blame, he is buying himself time. Enough time he hopes that the election can be held before the full truth is known.

For a President to put himself above the office is the worst possible situation. The last time a man put himself ahead of the office he went down in history not for opening trade to China, but for leaving office in shame.


So which President do YOU want? The incompetent fool that is too busy playing golf and raising funds to be bothered with his job? Or The campaigner that is so bent on retaining the office that he he will do, say or imply anything in order to keep his job?

Are unknown forces running the government instead of the President or is the President so consumed with retaining power that nothing else matters?

Whichever option is true, neither is fit to lead the United States. this Nation of the People By the People and For the People deserves better. You deserve better. Your children deserve better. WE ALL deserve better.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Fake News All the Muck thats fit to Rake

President Obama left last weeks debate feeling the he had in fact been the winner. According to sources he was also surprised to learn that he did not win the Nobel Prize for Chemistry, the Emmy for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy or the Gold Medal in the 1000 meter Freestyle.

Proof of Miracles occurred last week when 30,000 watched President Obama speak at Bascom Hill a grassy area on the Campus of UW Madison that is able to hold less than 10,000 people.

The Vice Presidential Candidates continued to prepare for this weeks one and only debate between them. Paul Ryan prepared by reviewing the facts of Romney and Obama's various plans and arguments, while Joe Biden prepared by attending several "12 step" encounter sessions.

Mitt Romney continued to ignore attacks from the left regarding his decision to skip "Kids Pick the President" and his desire to cut PBS funding. In response to the criticisms the campaign released this statement:

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Presidential Mask Sales have been considered a predictive indicator of the eventual winner for the last 4 cycles. Due to the accuracy and reliability of the results Presidential Masks sales will now replace polls conducted by CNN, CBS and MSNBC.


Monday, October 8, 2012

On Writing and Posting a good blog

Regular readers of this blog have certainly noticed that my posting schedule has become less scheduled than previously planned. I do apologize for this. My goal is to write thought and entertaining articles at least 3 times a week. However this is easier said than done. Sometimes article topics come to me easily for example the outrage I felt when I posted Friday's rant about the phony unemployment numbers. Other's require some thought and research and re writing to get to a point that I feel comfortable publishing them.

I will try to post at least 3 times a week, with fake News published around Wednesday, but I am no longer promising to publish specifically on Monday Wednesday and Friday. Please check the site or follow me on twitter @fishjp to be alerted to new posts.

In the meantime I have decided to make the hidden "page 2" less hidden feel free to read it and enjoy the beginnings of my Children's story "The Adventures of Emily and Blankie"

Remember the easiest way to say you like this blog is to click the links to my sponsor's ads.

Friday, October 5, 2012

On Oceana and the War with Eastasia

So the big news of the day is the fact the unemployment rate dropped below 8 percent for the first time since Obama took office. So hallelujah and praise Obama, right? Romney should just call it a day and allow the re election of Obama by acclamation. In the mean time I will give up writing about anything other than my children's school activities.

Or maybe not.

Maybe we should look at this report and the timing of it a little more closely.

According to the report:

1) 114,000 new jobs were created in September by companies.
2) 840,000 people suddenly decided to open businesses in their homes in September.
3) The unemployment rate is now 7.8 percent (3 tenths of a percent less than August)

So wow. That is amazing. Nearly a million people are suddenly self employed in the month before the election. The department of Labor reached this conclusion by asking 60,000 people if they had a job. (Any red flags waving in front of anyone else yet?)

What could have happened in September to make so many people decide that right then was the moment to open a home based business? Why did all of them wait to do this until September 2012 to follow their dream, stop looking for a job and open a business? Maybe there terror attacks on the 9/11 anniversary inspired them to do it. Maybe the looming tax increases that will kick in on Jan 1 inspired them to take a financial risk right now. Maybe the uncertainty of the election outcome told them "don't wait do it now" Maybe.

Or maybe not.

George Orwell said "whoever controls the past controls the future, whoever controls the present controls the past". The Obama administration certainly controls the present. The Unemployment rate is about what happened in the past, and he would like to be President in the future.

If you believe this new Unemployment rate, ask yourself: why are they using a new method 30 days before the election to determine the rate? How is it even possible to reach a number of 840,000 NEWLY self employed by surveying only 60,000 households? Does it even make sense that for every person that was hired by a company of any size 8 people started a company in their basement?

Obama has spent the last 3 days talking about Romney's supposed lies during the debate. Isn't it time the rest of us started talking about Obama's lies over the last 4 years?

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Live Mocking of the Debate

Both campaigns were disappointed by the rules for tonights debate Obama had requested the ability to phone a friend on hard questions while Romney had asked for live ammo to be allowed. both requests were denied.

Romney: My plan does not call for 5 trillion dollars in Tax cuts.
Obama: Yes it does and you stink.
Romney: You just lied.
Obama: No I didn't and you still stink.

Obama: it just math, and I am better at math than you are.
Romney: Since when?

Jim: We are over our 15 minutes
Romney: I know, fun isn't it?

Romney: My kids do the same thing you are doing, say the same thing over and over and hope I will
believe it.

Obama: I will reduce the deficit by cutting spending and raising taxes. This will work.
Romney: You have been President for 4 years, why haven't you done it yet?

Ok seriously, these 2 are way to dry to mock tonight. maybe I should have drank more before it started. basically the entire thing has been Romney talking about his plan and Obama saying "no that is not your plan"

I will stand by for any mock worthy remarks.

So the debate is over.

If you want a good laugh, watch MSNBC, they are literally yelling at the camera about everything they think Obama should have said to Romney. They are not even trying to be impartial.

Good night all.

Debate Night Fake News Update

As a Special feature for tonight's Debate between Puny Human # 1 and Fish's good friend Mitt Romney I will be mocking the debate in real time as it airs tonight. Please join me for some good natured ribbing of the Presidential Candidate and a horrible beat down of the other guy.

The Debate begins at 9pm EDT.