Republican Primaries- In a quiet ceremony in New Hampshire Paul and Gingrich met with Romney where he officially handed them their asses. According to reports the asses were tastefully wrapped in blue paper with a red ribbon on top. Paul seemed confused by the event citing several Internet polls in which he had received 2000% of the vote, while Gingrich asked for the location of the nearest pawnshop and asked how much Romney thought his ass might be worth.
Secret Service Sex Scandal- Obama appoints former President Bill Clinton head of an investigative panel. Clinton vows to keep pushing until the Hooker Problem is licked. He added that he was more than willing to go undercover if needed.
Global Warming- Shortly after stating that he had falsely contributed to "Global Warming Hysteria" and calling out others for doing the same, Gaia Theory creator James Lovelock was found beaten to death outside a massive Tennessee Estate. No suspects at this time, however the murder weapon appears to be a Hockey Stick adorned with a Peace Prize medal.
Unemployment- Debbie Stevens of N.Y. was fired shortly after giving her boss a Kidney. She stated that if she had to do it over again she would go with a fruit basket instead.
Immigration- Mexican Immigration has fallen to zero for the first time since the great depression. Local Gardener and former New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson was interviewed as he snuck across the border into Mexico. "Due to the drug war there are a lot of openings in the cartels. I am hoping to get an entry level job as a pusher or mule and maybe work my way up to enforcer. It is a lot more promising than the US job market." he stated before swimming across the Rio Grande.
John Edwards- Trial got underway this week for former Democrat Vice Presidential Nominee John Edwards. In the opening statement his lawyer stated "What? It's not like he diddled an intern in the Oval Office."
FNN- All the news that's fit to wrap.
Hey Fish! This is realwest! Great post today!! And just FYI, re: John Edwards. The "star" witness against him, Mr. Young - his former Campaign aide - decided to call some of the other witnesses/jurors (including one with whom he'd had a one-night affair) to see what they thought and what were going to say. Judge said Edwards' lawyers couldn't use the phrase "jury tampering" thereby handing Edwards a perfect reason to appeal should he need to. Talking to jurors and witnesses is NOT acceptable when the one of the ones doing the talking is the "star" witness in the Prosecutions' case.
ReplyDeleteLMFAO! hahahah I'll be back Fish. Too funny!
ReplyDeleteShe stated that if she had to do it over again she would go with a fruit basket instead. hahaha
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