Nerd Prom

For 42 years in a row people have been going to San Diego to celebrate all things nerdy without me. This year is no exception. As the San Diego Comic Book Convention (Comicon) gets started this week, I am left here in Wisconsin wishing I was there.

For the last 48 hours I have been devouring the Twitter and Facebook feeds of people I know that are there, celebrities that will be making appearances and TV shows that have booths. My youngest child eagerly asks me every few hours if the BBC has released any news on the new season of Doctor Who. Co workers are curious about our lunch table discussion shows Dexter and the Walking Dead.

Some people wait all year for the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show, others mark the calendar for the next big announcement from Apple. I look forward to Comicon every year. Even though I have never been there.

The wonder of the modern age we live in is that even without attending you can participate. In addition to the live feeds, many companies will use the "con" to launch ARGs or other cross promotional sites. In addition the trailers and clips that are shown at the convention will find their way to the web in mere minutes after being shown.

None of this compares to the pageantry that is on display at the hall itself. At the Walking Dead booth they have a diorama set up and allow visitors to take photos of themselves being chased by Zombies. BBC America Has the Tardis on display and will be hosting a panel discussion with the Doctor Himself and his co stars. In fine Comicon tradition they promise a "surprise" during the panel. Dexter Fans were treated to a panel last night that included the first 2 minutes of the Season 7 opener.

While TV shows and Comic books are making a big splash this year movies are not to be left out. There are posters for Rekall Corporation (A tie in to the remake of Total Recall) as well as a large booth sponsored by Omni Corp The Makers of RoboCop and the offical Police Department of Detroit. Omni Corp has a special offer for attendees this year: anyone that signs over the rights to their brain and spinal column will receive free police protection for a year! how can you beat that?

So while I would rather be there, I am here. Slugging away at my job trying to make the world a slightly better place. But my heart is not really in it today. Today, I am definitely California Dreamin. Lastly to all my friends at the con: I hope you have a great time, but I do hate you just a little bit for being there.

News that's been abused

Fast and Furious: Federal Authorities announced the first arrests and indictments in the death of Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry. A 1 million Dollar reward has been offered for the arrest of the fugitives. Since that time the offices have been deluged with requests for the reward money from people claiming to know where Eric Holder is located. Unfortunately he remains at large and the reward is unpaid.

Economy: Businesses added just 80,000 jobs last month and unemployment remained at 8.2%. President Obama stated: "Do you have any idea how much work goes into making the numbers look ONLY this bad? Seriously, if you guys knew the truth I would have to leave the country in the middle of the night." GOP Candidate responded: "I still can't believe I am not ahead in the polls"

Politics: Democrats continue to demand Mitt Romney release more documents about his past. Among there demands: Tax returns for every person Romney has ever talked to, his Kindergarten through grad School transcripts, His 8th grade art projects, and all of his pets vaccination records. When asked if Obama would be releasing the same info the Campaign responded: "No of course not, The President wrote 2 books that are loosely based on facts, What more could you need?"

Supreme Court: The Obama Campaign released Chief Justice Roberts' family safe and unharmed following his deciding vote in the Obamacare decision. The justice was very happy to see them.

Campaign Finance: New calls for finance reform have arisen as the Obama campaign has released that people are giving more money to the GOP than to his campaign. "I should be able to spend more money than my opponents. That is the only fair way."

Sports: The National League won the All-Star game 8-0, No one cared.


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I have Never Seen the Movie "Marty"

I was surprised to learn of Ernest Borgnine's passing yesterday. I was going to use the word "shocked" but someone dying at 95 years old is hardly shocking. To say that he will be missed is an understatement.

I do not remember the first thing I saw that had him in it. I do know that I have never seen a movie, show, or animated series featuring him that I did not enjoy.

Being a child of the 80's I would have to say that the Borgnine from "Airwolf" is the one I remember most. The cocky smile, he made me think of Han Solo if he was my grandfather. Later I would watch reruns of "McHales Navy" and countless movies all featuring that same goofy grin.

There is not much more I can say about the man I knew only from the characters he played. Others will write an length the facts of his life, his family his awards. I can only honor him in the way any fan can: By watching his films again, and again.

I think I will start with "Marty" I hear it is pretty good. and even won a few awards from some sort of film academy.

RIP Ernest

Fair Play

I have been on vacation this week, and have been spending my time helping my daughters prepare , transport and inspect their 4H fair projects. After a hectic week, the projects have been delivered and judged, the results were as always surprising. Projects we expected to do very well did not and projects we thought would do poorly achieved high marks.

While the judging is important the experience of submitting the projects is the real reward. Seeing the girls working together to get items baked or sewn or matted is always thrilling. The biggest drama occurred with the judging of the brownies. The girls made identical brownies using the same methods, recipe and ingredients. One received a first place blue and the pother received a fourth place pink. Needless to say; tears did flow.

The fair itself is always a good time. Lots of exhibits and fun things to do. My daughters surprised me by spending a good amount of time with a Honduran Milk Snake. Even going so far as to hold it themselves.

This fair has its share of yummy foods, the 2 favorites being the mini donuts and the cream puffs. Although we have yet to eat something there we did not enjoy.

There are almost no vendors or political booths this year. I am not sure if this is because of the economy, the heat (104 yesterday, 102 expected today) or if there is something else going on that I am not aware of. The one vendor I did see was selling the "World's Smallest Vacume" and "Hammer Handels". I was curious to find out what a "vacume" is but I could not get an answer. As for the "Hammer Handels" I can only assume it has something to do with a rock version of "The Messiah".

While many stop attending fairs once their children reach a certain age, fairs in WI are attended by people of all ages and many adults submit projects ion the open classes to be judged and sold as well. If you have not been to a fair in a few years I encourage you to try it again. You may be surprised at how much fun you have.

Fake News 1776 Edition

Philadelphia: John Hancock was removed from the continental congress chambers today after repeatedly signing his name in an overly large manner on various documents. "He took up the whole page! I was like "dude! leave some room for the rest of us!" - Thomas Jefferson

London: Nothing important happened here today.

General Washington: The general was seen spending a rare day off, locals claim that he was witnessed not chopping down cherry trees all day.


Paul Revere: was interviewed in "Silver Smithing Monthly Magazine" he stated that he was anxious to help no matter how the congress voted claiming "Hey, with a name that rhymes as easily as 'Revere' all I have do to is help a little and I will be sure to be famous. Just think of what that would do for business"

Continental Congress: After hours of debate the phrase "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" was selected over the much less popular "Demand for a government that can force the populace into purchasing anything; health insurance for example, by simply imposing massive taxes on failing to purchase the item. Just as the King is currently doing with the purchase of English Teas." The representative of possible Kenyan decent was very disappointed.

Colonial Militia: Volunteers from France begin training the militia into an organized fighting force. Although proper surrender techniques were covered more than other topics, discipline and readiness improve.

Boston: Notoriety surrounding the destruction of the tea 3 years ago has lead those involved to confess that getting drunk dressing in furs and feathers and dumping the tea into the harbor was not in fact an act of defiance against the crown. It was in fact an attempt to join a newly opened gentleman's club.




Happy Independence Day from FNN

Crap! There is a Teenager in the house!

Thirteen years ago today I was at a party celebrating my birthday. It was a great party featuring plenty of beer, friends and the debut of a new baby back rib recipe. I was having a fantastic time, enjoying my "guest of honor" status and taking advantage of the fact that my wife at 7 1/2 months pregnant was an automatic designated driver. That all changed when a couple hours into the party (and before the ribs were served) her water broke and our hosts drove us to the hospital. 14 hours later and 6 weeks early my first child was born.

The years since have left me filled with awe as I have watched her grow from a tiny thing nestled in my arms to the young woman of today fierce and ready for the world. The ups and downs have been many from the pride she had when an "Award of Merit" (one of the higest awards given) was placed on a project of hers at the fair, to the sorrow when her "arch enemy" was choosen before her at school. I have watched her best friend become a stranger to her and strangers morph into best friends. I have wiped tears that I did not understand, and cheered accomplishments that I also did not understand.

Everyday brings new wonder as she becomes more incredible. Watching her change before my eyes brings both pride and fear, as she drifts away from me and into a world of her own. I find myself less able to offer advice, less aware of what is bothering her than I was just a few years ago. In addition the older she gets the less she wants her dad to help. I know that we all went through a phase in which we "knew" our parents were idiots that just do not understand us, but it is much harder to be on this side of that debate than I ever dreamed. Still, it is impossible not to be proud of her.

Now has come the time for me to share what I have learned with you dear reader. Below you will find a comprehensive list of everything I have learned about parenting and everything I know about raising a teenager. Please enjoy, I hope you find the tips useful and worthwhile. Perhaps you will be able to apply them to your own life. So without further ado, EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT RAISING A TEENAGED DAUGHTER:

1)






Happy Birthday Princess!

Things it has taken me 40 years to learn

Today is my 40th birthday. As I look back over the years I have learned a thing or two, and forgotten more than I should. But there are some lessons that have retained and I will now share them with you.

1) "Was going to" should be banned. Do something or do not do that thing, never sit around "getting ready" to do a thing. You will never get a "round tuit" so just do it now.

2) Your parents really are trying to get back at you by spoiling your kids. You are not imagining this. Something you did as kid has stuck with them and they have been waiting for this chance. Go ahead and let them, you will spoil your grandkids one day and the circle will be complete.

3) Always remember that if something is done, it no longer needs to be done. Mow the lawn first thing, if your spouse asks you for something do it then, The sooner whatever needs to be done is done, the sooner you can relax.

4) Your kids are not intentionally trying to drive you insane, it is just part of the nature of children.

5) If your 8 year old daughter wants to see Hannah Montanna The Movie in 3D during a blizzard, go ahead take her. Whats the worst that can happen?

6) When picking a new coat, count the pockets. The more the better. My current winter coat has a total of 10 pockets. Each of them are full. I love it.

7) No matter how much you care about a cause, no matter how hard you strive to get others to support your view, no matter how much blood you shed in the effort: you will lose at least some of the battles. Accept this and move on to the next fight.

8) Douglas Addams is perhaps the greatest philosopher of the last 50 years. Seriously, go re-read Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy. You will thank me.

9) Tuck your kids in to bed and kiss them every night. There will come a day when they do not want you to anymore. Enjoy every night until that happens.

10) Every year your birthday means less to you and more to those around you. Let them enjoy giving you a "special day". Besides finding out what a 9 year old thinks makes a great meal is always exciting.


Lastly I have l;earned that I have a lot left to learn. Here's looking forward to the next 40 years.

Fake News: Now 85% as reliable as MSNBC

Health Care: This week the Supreme Court struck down upheld issued a split verdict delayed action on the Health Care reform ruling until Thursday. Women and Children Hardest hit.

Gambling: A group of bookies announced on Tuesday the creation of new way to bet on College Football starting in 2014. Odds makers predict a huge boost in receipts and openings for people with "collection" experience.

Immigration: In order to combat the possible racism and profiling that may occur in the wake of the Supreme Court ruling upholding the Arizona law SB1070; which gives police the right to check the immigration status of people detained for any other crime, The Justice Department has set up a hotline for reports of abuse. FNN has obtained the first example of a whistle blower email sent to this hotline:

From: Phoenix City Jail
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:43 AM
To: Holder, Eric
Subject: RACISM!


Senior Holder,


Last night my hombres and me were walking throuhg the Arizona desert when suddenly for no reason at all we was surrounded by cops. They were all carring rifles and pointed them at us. They yelled for us to get down. Now Carlos he don't speak american so he did what comes natural and fired off several rounds at the Helicopter over head. (Thank you for the AKs by the way, they's some high quality firepower) Anyway, after that misteak them cops got mad and shot Carlos right in the leg! The cops arrested us, took our packs filled with "humanitarian relief Pharmaceuticals" (am that spelled right? I copied it from the DOJ website) and demanded to see our papers. We tried to explain that we had each left our papers in our other pants and that those pants happen to be in Columbia, but they would not listen. Can you Help?


Jaun "el raton" Garcia



From: Holder, Eric
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 1:44 AM
To: Garcia, Juan
Subject: re: RACISM!


Dear mr. Raton,


I am shocked to hear the details of your case. This is precisely what we were afraid of. You and your friends have every right to carry large packs of unregistered pharmaceuticals through the desert in the middle of the night without fear of being harassed. I will arrange for your immediate release and transport to Washington DC in order to testify before Congress. (Well a non-binding Democrat Press Conference in a Congressional Chamber) Your tragedy has moved me. I am sorry to learn that Carlos' leg wound has spread into 3 lethal shots to the back of his head. Be comforted to know that his passing will help end this horrible law.

Your Friend,

Eric Holder

(This is an FNN exclusive, and portions of the emails may have been edited, redacted or fabricated)


Weight Loss: The Government Announced a new plan recently to help people loss weight and look better.


This is FNN

Giving Back

My family and I spent this Sunday doing something I wish we did more often: working a community dinner. The community dinner is the Wisconsin version of a soup kitchen. The idea behind the dinner is for everyone regardless of means or need to come together once a month for a hot meal. The reality is the meal is attended almost exclusively by those in need. The meal is provided by area churches and this month was my church's turn.

My wife is in charge of organizing the meal and getting the volunteers and food together. This is a task that takes the better part of 2 weeks. After hours of telephone and email work she managed to secure donations of more than enough food for the small army that was expected. In true Lutheran fashion the meal was a buffet of casseroles (or Hot Dishes as they are called up here), "Salads" made out of anything except lettuce, and Bars. (Bars can be any dessert food that is cut into a square before eating.) As usual, the food was incredible.

My daughters were in charge of setting the tables and serving the drinks. They tried their best to avoid setting the tables but took to serving the drinks like they were born for it. They put together an entire 'drinks Station" set out glasses of Milk, chocolate Milk, Lemonade and Ice water and served them up with a smile. For those that had their hands full, they carried the cups for them carefully to the tables. The look on my daughter's faces was sheer joy.

My job was to provide rides to those that had trouble getting to the location. I picked up a family of 5 and a separate family of 2. Very nice people and very appreciative of the ride. While I was not busy driving I was to "Mingle and socialize". Somehow this quickly turned into "Clearing tables" but it was still fun.

The best part of the day was seeing the looks on everyone present, both those eating and those serving.The happiness in the room was remarkable. I hope each and everyone of you gets the chance to experience something similar.

(Oh and in case you are reading this Mr President, This is what "giving Back" means, not paying higher taxes. Just sayin'.)

Summertime Blues

The official start of Summer occurred this week, and with it the dilemma of working parents everywhere: jealousy of their children. Every Summer school kids across the nation are free to play, watch TV, Swim and Ride Bikes all day long while we working stiffs continue to the office everyday.

This past week my oldest has called me 3-5 times each day with questions like: "Can you ride bikes with us as soon as you get home?" "How do you turn on the slip n slide?" and "How much smoke is too much for the oven to have pouring out of it?" Questions that make me wish I were home with them.

Technology has helped some as my Daughter keeps me updated on her goings on through text messages and Facebook, but it is not the same.

So I have come up with a "Summer Survival Plan"

1) I go into work 1-2 hours earlier than scheduled, this allows me to complete my tasks and get home with plenty of daylight left to enjoy with my kids

2) I have instituted an no "nos" policy. I say no to the kids if the thing they have asked for cannot be done due to funds, safety or previous commitments. If there is a way to do what they asked we do it. If the exact thing they asked for cannot be done we modify the request into something that is doable.

3) No matter how tired I am, I try to play everyday for at least a bit. Last night I swam with them for 2 hours after work, 2 hours that I would have rather been napping.

4) Take as much time away from work as possible, even if vacation is just staying home, the time with the kids is fleeting, I intend to enjoy every minute I can.

So That is it. My "Grand Scheme" for Summer Survival. I am still jealous of the leisure time my kids have, but I have fun too.  Far from relaxing but Highly enjoyable.

Fake News: Now considered more reliable than MSNBC

Hosni Mubarak: The former Egyptian Leader was in a military hospital this week recovering from a "Health Crisis" which at one point had him listed as "in a coma" , "On Life Support" "Clinically Dead" "Mostly Dead" "Dead Dead" and "Why won't the b*stard just die?".  The exact cause of the crisis is unknown. In unrelated news prison guards in Egypt this week announced their new gun powder scented cleaning sprays which were in use on the same floor as Mubarak on the day of the health scare.

Global Warming: Scientists this week point to the dramatic rise in temperatures across the Northern Hemisphere as proof of world wide warming. Lead scientistician F.R  Monger stated: "Just look at Minnesota, it is going to be about 100 degrees warmer today than it was just 6 months ago at the end of December! Wake up people!" Al Gore attended the event in 17 SUVs 3 Leer Jets and a 75 foot boat.

Immigration: This week President Obama gave blanket amnesty to nearly 1 million people who had come to the nation illegally as children. A statement released on the topic stated: "These are good hard working reliably Democratic Voters, forcing them to leave simply because they have broken numerous state and federal laws is just ridiculous."

Obamacare: With a ruling on the new health care law expected from the Supreme Court at any time, leaders are joking for position in advance of the ruling. "We never really wanted Health Care Reform in the first place and blame the Bush administration for forcing this law on the nation. We will be well rid of it." - Barack Obama

Wawa: MSNBC came under fire this week for selective editing once again. in a release they stated: "Come on Look at Ed and Rachel, no one can think this is a real news outlet anymore? Does anyone report on it when The Daily Show or the Onion or Weekend update make up news? I don't think so. Learn to take a joke people!"

Detroit: A man with 300.00 in his account was allowed to withdraw 1.5 million dollars in 17 days from ATMs at casinos around Detroit in early 2009. When asked why he thought he was allowed to make the huge withdraws he stated: "Obama had just been elected and passed a stimulus plan, I figured the money was just part of that."

Breaking News: President Obama firmly states that his administration has nothing to hide in the so called Fast and Furious investigation. Proves it by declaring Executive Privilege over missing Documents. He then dropped his pants bent over and yelled "Kiss it Congress!"
FNN- News you can reuse.

Guest Post: Happy Fathers Day To My Amazing Dad

Hi, my dad is the guy you may know as fish and he asked me to write the post for to day and I was clueless at first but this is what I came up with.  Now you all know that yesterday was fathers day. I may have been a little crabbie in the begining because my sister woke me up at 7 o'clock but the day turned out to be a blast. my sister made my dad breakfest in bed and he loved it. After he finished his food we thought about what we should do. We came up with the idea to go on a bike ride. We went around town and then stopped at a park to rest and play.  After tthat fun ride we had to get ready to go to a pool party at my aunt and unculs house. the party was so much fun it started at 12:30 and we dident get home until 6:30 and all the food was great I didnt want to stop eatting. well thats what we did for fathers day. I love you daddy!


(My oldest wrote this as a Father's Day present for me. I could not be prouder of her. She is worried that the readers of this blog will think what she wrote was dumb or embarassing, I have assured her this is not the case. I hope everyone had as pleasant a Father's Day as I had. Regular Posts resume on Wednesday with Fake News- Fish)

My 2 Dads

Father's day is an interesting holiday in my family. My parents divorced and married new partners when I was barely 10 years old. As a result of this I had one Dad during the week and a different dad on the weekends. Being raised in this way allowed me to see and experience 2 different styles of "fathering". I have tried to take the best of both dads and apply it to my own journey as a father.

From my Dad, I learned to embrace my children's interests and make them my own. To truly enjoy what they enjoy. I remember our efforts to build a kite for a Cub Scouts "Kite Regatta". It was announced ahead of time that a prize would be awarded for the largest kite able to take flight. We worked together for weeks building first a 6 foot tall 4 foot wide prototype and then a 10 foot tall 6 foot wide final kite. The 10 foot model flew only briefly, but the 6 foot kite soared high and far. We flew that kite many many times. When I got older and started swimming for my school, my dad volunteered at nearly every meet. Finishing a race and seeing him there waiting at the edge of the pool always made me feel as though I had swam faster than I might have otherwise. I can only hope that I will leave my children with similar happy memories.

From my Father, I learned to push my children's boundaries. To get them to try things they might not have tried otherwise. My father taught me to hunt, to fish, to work on vehicles and to watch sci fi. While it is true that the vast majority of my childhood injuries occurred while learning these new activities, each scar is a precious memory. For example, the 1/2 inch scar across the bottom of my chin. I received that gem when the 2 of us were left alone for a week. We were trying to recreate a dive we had seen on a documentary a few minutes earlier and the results into the shallow pool were less than successful. But it was a lot of fun. With luck, my children we have the memories but not the scars.

So to my 2 dads and my unique childhood I say "thank-you". I hope to live up to the examples you have set. To my children, please bear with me, I am still learning.

Please Help: Update They are safe and sound!

Please help find Emma. Spread the picture below as much as possible. I taught Emma's Older sister through 3 years of Sunday School and 2 years of confirmation. This is a terrific family. If you know anything at all about the location of Emma please contact police at once.

Rock County WI Sheriff's Dept Phone # 608-757-8000

Additional Photos

More Details From The Janesville Gazette:

EDGERTON—The Edgerton Police Department is asking for the public’s help in locating two missing 13-year-olds.




Police received a report Wednesday that these teens—Derek Siefken and Emma Hansen--had left their homes, and through text messages left with friends, and phone conversations it is believed one or both may be at risk, according to a department news release.



Derek Siefken is a white male, who is 5-foot 6 and weighs 150 pounds. Emma Hansen, is a white female, who is 5-foot-5 and weighs 120 pounds.



Anyone with information should call the Edgerton Police Department, (608) 884-3321 Ext. 3 or the Rock County Communications Center by dialing 911.

UPDATE: Shortly after 5:00pm CDT the 2 were found safe and unharmed. Thanks for all the support!

News Freshly Squeezed

Eric Holder: This week Republican law makers called for the resignation of the Attorney General over allegations of misconduct. General Holder responded by putting his thumbs in his ears, wagging his fingers and chanting "nananana you can't get me."


Al-Qaida: Somali terrorists offered a bounty of 10 camels for information regarding the location of President Obama and 20 chickens for information on Hillary Clinton. Michelle and Bill are currently in negotiations over how to split the bounty.



Wisconsin: In an effort to mend fences after the bitter recall battle Governor Walker invited every member of the legislature to his house for beer, burgers and brats.  Things took an ugly turn when after the governor dropped a brat that he had just finished grilling. At that point the entire Democrat contingent stood up and began chanting "SHAME". Later as they were trying to vote on rules for the horseshoe competition, the 14 Democrat Senators secretly boarded a bus and went to a resort in Illinois.



Weather: Educators throughout the Midwest remained shocked as for an entire week the Universe has failed to collapse after the Wisconsin recall election. UW-Madison Professor of Meteorology and Minority Relations Sunshine Dayfeather stated " I do not understand, the Apocalypse should have started days ago. The streets should be filled with the blood of the dead and dying. I have no idea what is going on." She then crawled under her front porch and cried for several hours.



Campaign Finance: Administration officials announced this week that should Obama win a second term he would seek a constitutional amendment to keep anyone from ever again spending as much money on campaigns as he has. "Just look at the Campaigns we have run, what more proof do you need that money is the root of all evil?"



Intelligence Leaks: David Axelrod denied allegations that recent leaks of classified intelligence materials to the press had come from the White House. "It should be obvious to anyone that any and all intelligence had leaked out of the White House years ago."



Economy: President Obama ensured himself re-election this week by fixing the economy and employment, He announced on Friday that "Everything is fine". As a result of this pronouncement unemployment immediately dropped to 0% the National Debt was paid off and Unicorns were seen wandering the land. Mitt Romney withdrew from the Presidential Race Saying "I had no idea he could do that! this guy is amazing! I hear he s going to make the Middle -east "fine" next! I can't wait" Critics asked why he had not done this earlier but they were quickly shot.



This is FNN

I did not write this

I would not normally do this, but what you are about to read is so good that I want to make certain as many people as possible read it. The letter posted below has been on numerous websites in the comments section, it has been read on at least one radio talk show and now I am sharing it here. My only regret is that I do not know who wrote it so that I can give credit where it belongs. I wish I had written it. Please enjoy:

To all leftists, occupiers, union thugs and malcontents,

Thank you! What an election! We couldn't have done it without you. Without your tantrums, outbursts and boorish behavior we might have stayed home for this election. Without your filthy, pot smoking hemp -headed minions occupying, dirtying and damaging our Capitol we might have been complacent. Without your obnoxious protests, boycotts and other actions from your union playbook, we might have sat this one out.

But you couldn't hold back. You couldn't restrain yourselves and behave like adults. You couldn't accept the 2010 election results. We sat and watched as you erupted in a juvenile hissy fit that embarrassed Wisconsin. The spectacle you created is what motivated us. And thanks to your pathetic behavior, we won. We turned out. Big time! And now we are organized and energized. Committed. "All in". And we aren't going away. We now have our own organizations (no dues required), an army of volunteers and the means to communicate. And countless new sources of funding, including a donor base from all 50 states. And we have "iverifythe recall" to ferret out your infiltrators in our future local elections.

So thank you little boy Tate, Graeme Zielinski, Fred "Loonie" Levenhagen, Ismael Ozanne, Maryanne Sumi, Noble Ray, Charles Tubbs, Joanne Kloppenberg, Segway Boy, John Chisolm, public employee union members, UW TA's, WEAC, SEIU, MTI, AFSCME Council 24 in Union Grove and WI prison guards,. Thanks for the death threats, the intimidation, the bullying, belligerence, thuggery and goonish behavior. The lack of ethics and the failure to enforce rules and laws. Thank you for putting your selfish, greedy motives on display for all taxpayers to see.

Your antics might have made you feel good but they didn't make you look good. They sickened the rest of us.

Thank you Shirley Abrahamson and Ann Walsh Bradley. Your petty politics woke us up. Thanks you Miles Kristan for dumping the beer on Robin Vos's head. Thank you University doctors for writing the phony excuses; Madison teachers for calling in sick or dragging your students to the protests without permission. Thank you Katherine Windels for making death threats against the Governor. The noontime capitol singers who taunted Sheboygan high school students. Thank you WEA Trust for raping Wisconsin taxpayers. Thank you Gwen Moore for your embarrassing minstrel show. And thanks all of you for harassing the Walker family at their private home.

You have all been exposed. Your tactics have been rejected. Your bad behavior has been forever captured on You Tube.

Thank you Peter Barca and fellow Assembly members for donning your foolish orange T-shirts and screaming "shame" at legislators just doing their jobs.

Thank you Mark Miller and all 14 senators for fleeing the state and making fools of yourselves in the process. Your combination of childishness and ignorance fits in very well in Illinois. I’m sure you felt right at home. Thanks for showing us what democracy doesn't look like.

And Mayor Barrett. How grateful we are that you chose one low road after another in your issue-less campaign against the Governor. This was your strike three. You are out. Take a seat on the bench and stay there. I have a hunch this was your final at-bat.

All of you helped turn Wisconsin permanently red. Your Governor, Scott Walker, will not just complete his first term, he is all but assured as many future terms as he seeks. He will be your governor for a long, long time. Get used to it. And his national "rock star" status just might lead him to be your President some day. Just think, it couldn't have happened without you! So to all of you blue fisters, thank you from the bottom of my happy, red heart.

Sincerely,

A Wisconsin taxpayer

Wisconsin Wisdom

Today's post is going to look at the events in Wisconsin and the lessons learned.

For the last 16 months anywhere I went in this great state signs regarding the recall could be found. My 9 year old daughter would often chant "Recall Walker" as we drove along and passed a sign. (I never did get her to tell me where she had heard that first) It seemed as though the recall was a sure thing. I was in a pretty dark funk. The signs I saw supporting Walker usually looked like this:

So I was convinced I was in the minority. Thinking for certain that I would wake up on Wednesday and a new Governor would be sworn in. What I did not consider was that the Walker supporters were too busy working and going about there lives to chant and hold rallies. The Walker supporters held just one rally, it was Tuesday at the voting booth and 1.2 million people showed up.

So what are the lessons? First, no cause is ever hopeless. No matter how strong the other side seems, the cause is only lost when you quit. So even if everywhere you go you see signs that your side is losing, do not give up. We prevailed in Wisconsin despite ex-presidents, celebrities, and professional activists flocking to the state in support of the Recall. Conventional wisdom told us it would be a close race, a hard race, a race we would likely lose. Conventional Wisdom was wrong. Wisconsin Wisdom tells us that if you are doing a good job and keeping your promises, you will be supported. Wisconsin Wisdom is that we will not be told what to do by a bunch of people who are fighting over how much of our tax money they should each get.

The Second Lesson from Wisconsin that the desire for "Hope and Change" that was in the air in 2008 is still there. Except people want REAL change. They want someone to actually try something new. Something bold. Something that helps everyone not just the select few that donated to the cause. So to all those running for office, I challenge you: be bold, be brave, be bigger than life. Now is the time for those great ideas. Now is the moment that America will rally around you. Do not say what the other guy is doing wrong, tell us what you will do right. The voters of the Nation are holding the Brass Ring out, just waiting for someone to have the guts to grab it.

That is Wisconsin Wisdom.

News? Maybe, I don't Recall

Scott Walker: Retained his position in an overwhelming victory. He immediately ordered all government employees executed, the schools burned and unwed mothers stoned to death. He then ordered the children of all recall petitioners to be eligible for the first annual "WI Hunger Games". Tom Barrett stated "See I told you so!" before being shot by his own campaign staff.

Union Leaders: The leaders of several unions in Wisconsin blamed the defeat of Barrett on the large amount of money spent by the Walker campaign. In a press release, the unions stated : "It is our position that the is too much money being spent by people other than us. We think a law limiting the amount of money spent by people who disagree with us is needed to prevent the public from voting against our best interests again in the future." Scott Walker promised to ignore the suggestion in the order in which it was received.

Mahlon Mitchell: The Democrat Candidate for LT Governor thanked his supporters and declared victory for himself and Obama and all Democrats everywhere.  He was then informed of the vote totals.

Eric Holder: Promised to look into the obvious voter suppression that occurred as only 65% of those eligible to vote did so, in addition the Democrat Candidate received fewer than the 1.2 millions signatures on the recall petitions. Holder Stated "Since we know those petitions were 100% legal, and accurate, the vote total must be off"

Protests: The protesters in Madison WI were informed late of the defeat of Barrett. They all dejectedly took their ball and went home, one was heard to say: "Whatever, I bet those grapes are sour anyway"

WI Teachers: Hundreds of thousands of teachers across the state of WI woke up in shock this morning at the sight of a glowing orb in the sky. After much debate and research the orb was determined to be "the Sun". The shock was attributed to the fact that many of the teachers assumed the Sun would never rise again after the Walker Victory.
Real News: It looks like my predictions were wrong, there will be no recount and no riots. I am going to sleep well knowing that our Republican form of government still works.

FNN : I reserve the right to add more mocking as news develops.

Countdown to Recall

The voting in Wisconsin begins in less than 24 hours and the tension is getting thick. I was at a family gathering on Sunday and it was noticeable that everyone was making an effort to NOT discuss the recall. The polls seems to indicate that Walker will retain his job and I am glad. But I am also worried. I am very concerned that once he does win re-election then the riots/rallies that took place in Madison 2011 will almost certainly be repeated.

I am not the only person that thinks this is the case. I spent several hours on Saturday talking with a former Obama supporter and Recall petitioner. I say former Obama supporter as he has a serious case of buyer's remorse, saying that in hindsight Obama was not ready for the job. This person agrees that Walker is most likely going to win on Tuesday and that if Walker wins Obama will likely lose in November. While this should be good news, the elephant in the room is what will all those people that are so angry they forced this recall do once they lose?

I think it is not the least bit of a stretch of the imagination to believe many of those that called for the recall will not accept a result other than his ouster. I predict the recall will be recounted (no matter the margin on Tuesday night). If there is any way to get the results into a court, that will happen also. The people that put this recall into motion have staked everything on its success. Once it fails they will have lost all credibility and be left powerless. They cannot allow this to happen and as a result will fight to the last to prevent it.

A prime example of this "bitter end" mentality is the fact that protesters have been inside the Capitol Building every single day since February 2011. Between 10 and 30 people show up every day at lunch time to sing, chant and call for Walker's removal. These numbers swell on the weekends. The Occupy Madison Camp was one of the last ones to be shut down and it was closed only a few weeks ago. The desire to protest is strong and will not be quelled by a defeat at the voting booth.

I hope that I am wrong. I would love to see the people of Wisconsin bury the hatchet and put this behind us on Wednesday morning. Let's all hope that I am wrong.

Note: I intend to write a Fake News post this week. However, as events warrant I will post breaking news from the ground. I am going to be downtown Madison all day on Wednesday so if anything does happen I will let you know as soon as I know.

Summertime

There are one hundred and four days of summer vacation til school comes along just to end it. So the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it get the kids out from under foot so they will not drive us crazy.

When I was young, a typical summer involved me leaving the house sometime after breakfast and returning in time for supper. My bike and I traveled all parts of my little hometown. I visited parks, played ball with friends, caught crawdads in the crick, and generally played. I would come home filthy, happy and exhausted.

These days most parents (myself included) no longer feel comfortable little the younguns wander the town. Too many predators around for our liking. So, how do we get the kids to have fun, and get out of the house and still be safe? Technology.

The most obvious example is the common cell phone. A simple cell phone can provide more peace of mind to a parent that I thought was possible. Since we got a cell phone for our (then) 11 year old, we have felt very comfortable letting her walk around downtown, ride her bike wherever she wants and do all number of things that previously we were not comfortable with. The ability to contact your child instantly wherever they are cannot be over-rated.

If a cell phone does not give the confidence you need to send your young one out into the world try a wrist gps unit. This is the ultimate advance for the concerned parent. The watch lets you log onto a website and see in real time exactly where your child is. If the watch is removed (which like a convicts gps ankle bracelet cannot be done accidental) it will send a text message to you, police and anyone else you designate. Pretty cool.

Of course the absolute best way to keep your kids safe is education. Remind them not to talk to strangers, get to know the neighbors, tell them to stay away from the "bad parts" of town. Education and awareness will do more to keep them safe than all the technology in the world.

So enjoy your summer. Let the kids run a bit, and maybe even join them from time to time. You both will like more than you can imagine.