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Monday, July 30, 2012

On Sport and The World Stage

Every 4 years the world turns its attention to 2 events that hold our attention throughout the Summer. The Presidential election and the Olympic Games. One is a battle of well known power houses who slug it out in various venues while lesser known competitors vie for a chance just to be seen on such a large stage, the other is the Olympics.

Unless you are currently living under a rock, in a cave, on Mars, (And if you are then kudos on using your new found Internet connection to read this blog, good choice indeed!) then you are aware that the London Olympic Games began on Friday. The opening ceremonies (as they usually do) featured things the host country is most proud of. In this case, Music, National Health Care and the Invention of the World Wide Web were all featured. Now I could probably write a lengthy column right there about those 3 topics alone. (And lets face it, I really wanted the inventor of the World Wide Web to bitch slap Obama and say "yes as a matter of fact I DID build that") But I think I will leave most of that for my Wednesday news post.

I could also go write a bit about Romney's remarks about the preparations for the games. And how from his personal experience in Salt Lake he is one of the only people in the world actually qualified to make any remarks about how Olympics are run. But I will let that particular sleeping dog lie. I could mention the fact that Michelle Obama is at the Games while Barack was off fundraising. But I think that speaks for itself.

What I do want to discuss is the way the games make me feel each and every time.

Like so many kids around the world I used to watch the Games and Dream of one day standing on the podium hearing my Nation's Anthem played while its flag was lifted just for me. I practiced and even at one point thought I might have a real shot at it until a high school injury ended that hope. But to this day my heart swells when I see those rings and hear the drums that we all know so well. I watch those athletes march into the stadium with such joy and hope on their faces that it makes me feel proud of these kids whose names I do not even know. I watch the torch being lit and I dread the coming day when it will be extinguished. In short I love the games and everything they stand for.

Which brings me to the topic I actually wanted to write about. Michael Phelps. He is in is 3 consecutive games and trying to break the all time medal count (In the sport in which I once had hopes). In his first race he faltered and came in 4th. The media, rather than talking to those who won and letting us cheer them, immediately went to a tired Phelps still dripping from the race and asked him what it felt like to lose. This in my not so humble opinion was the crassest, most baseless and downright RUDE thing I have ever seen in all of Sports reporting. The man just lost an Olympic Race! How do you think it felt? It Sucked! no one goes to the games thinking "Man if only I can just barely lose, them I will be proud!" they go there to win. Most people don't. Most people feel lousy about it. Most people do not have a mic in their face immediately after losing asking them if it sucked.

The talking heads on American TV feel that it is vital to tell the "Story behind the games". Trying to get that angle is what lead to the embarrassing moment of the defeated Phelps with a camera and mic in front of him. The games are exciting enough of their own. Please stop trying to make us "feel' the way you think we should feel about them. Millions of people watch the NFL, NBA, MLB and other televised events without the need to be told how to "feel" about them. Baseball fans already know how they feel when their team enters a slump. the global audience is more than capable of watching the Olympics and deciding who to root for all on their own.

Please, just let them play.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Take your Dad to Work Day

This past Wednesday my company held its annual "Take your Child to Work Day". This was the first year that my youngest was old enough to attend. I had offered to take the youngest with me and leave her sister at home as the oldest had gone to several of these days without her little sister, I thought it would only be fair to offer her the chance of going on her own. At first she was very excited about the idea of spending the day at work with just her dad, but as the day drew near she decided it would be more fun to have her sister come too. The result I had twice as much help for the day as I had expected.

The day started on pretty shaky ground when I woke the 2 of them up just before 6am. I could tell they were preparing to protest the hour of the awakening when they remembered the reason. The anger quickly changed to happiness as they nearly jumped out of bed and into the clothes they had laid out the night before. They had brushed their hair and teeth before I managed to finishing getting ready myself. I was nearly pushed out the door in their eagerness to spend the day at my office.

The excited died down a bit during the 30 minute commute (I think at least one of them dozed off) but once we got to the office they perked right back up. I gave them a brief tour of the building, bought them some tater-tots from the cafeteria and we settled into my desk. They enjoyed playing with the various tools I use every day without a thought. The desk that raised and lowered itself, the phone that is dialed by the computer, the filing cabinets with the cushion seats on top; all these seemed wonderful to them.

One of the most important aspects of my job is a recorded interview that I do to investigate certain events. So that the girls could get a taste of what my day is like, I scheduled one of these interviews to take place while the girls were there. I set up a spare headset so they could listen in, and I proceeded with the interview. I was not sure what the girls would think of it, but they were fascinated. Once, we finished with the first interview, they instantly begged to be able to listen to more. We spent the rest of the day on the phone investigating various events. They loved every minute of it.

We finished the day (OK half day) with lunch with my co-workers. While the girls were very quiet, my colleagues were thrilled to have the girls there. After a filling lunch of chicken strips and curly fries we left for home. Both girls excited about the next time they could go to work with daddy, because (unbeknownst to me) I have the "most awesome job in the world". I have never felt prouder of what I do than I did right then. Now, I am the one looking forward to the next time they can come to work with me.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Fake News Must Go On

Brian Ross of ABC News was tapped to head the Obama "Truth Team" this week in honor of his efforts to uncover the vast right wing conspiracy in Aurora. In announcing the move Team Obama released a statement that read in part: "Hey, maybe this particular shooter was not a Tea Party member, but we just know that some day, some where one of them will snap and that will be a great day for Democrats everywhere."

Mitt Romney was attacked this week for his use of Obama's remarks in which he said "If you own a business, you didn't build that". Obama spokesmen stated "Using the president's exact words in context is the kind of dirty tricks we have come to expect from our unbelievably honest opponent. It is time that Mr. Romney understands that blatant telling of the truth and facts has no place in American Politics and will not be tolerated."

The Jim Henson Company has severed all ties with Chik-fil-a stating that the Muppets no longer wanted to be associated with the strong Christian and family values represented by the chicken company's policies. The Muppets are reportedly now considering an endorsement deal with "Big Dave's house of Leather"

Weather Scientists predict the hot summer like weather to persist over most of North America through most of September. They further predict cold wintry weather from December through February.

The SyFy Channel has announced a 6 part investigative series into the latest UFO video to surface on the web. The History Channel had originally considered a series but declined when no reports of Nazis on the UFO could be found.

Tax Policy was debated this week as the Obama administration continues to insist that keeping the same tax rate that has been in place for the last 12 years is a tax cut and that allowing the rates to revert to 1990's levels is NOT a tax increase. They further argued that down is up, black is white and Tito was the most talented Jackson.

FNN - You only thought you knew the news.

Monday, July 23, 2012

On Batman and the Definition of Terrorism

Unless you have been living under a rock (or inside the Big Brother House) you know what happened in Colorado last Friday morning during a screening of Dark Knight Rises. At this point many news outlets have covered the event extensively reporting the facts as best they can. Now, while I do have some issues and concerns about some of those facts (the early linking to a Tea Party Member that just happened to have the same name) and the quick attempts to fix a policy debate to the event (both for and against gun control) I am not going to discuss those here. What I am going to discuss is the bits of the puzzle that seem to have been overlooked in the media.


1) This was a terrorist attack. Early on Friday an announcement was made that the suspect had no known ties to any terrorist group and therefore this is not terrorism. While it may prove to be true that he acted alone and is not part of any group, it is not true that that alone means this is not terrorism. A terrorist act is designed to cause fear in as large a populace as possible and to influence behavior. An attack on the opening showing of the biggest movie of the year had the same effect as if he had shot up a Mall on Black Friday. Sure people still went to see the film and the 160 million dollar take is more than respectable, but it is far short of the record breaking numbers that were predicted. An estimated 4 million people DID NOT buy tickets to the movie this weekend, in addition it is impossible to know how many more people bought advance tickets and never used them. Based on those figures alone this classifies as a terrorist act.

2) This was well planned but not well thought out. We may or may not find out why Friday happened, but right now we do know a lot about how it happened. We know this was a planned two part attack, part one in the theater and part two when the police entered his apartment. Now luckily part 2 failed (likely due to his bragging about having bombs). But based on what I have seen in the press and what I know of Batman lore, I think I can make some good guesses here about his thoughts and where he went sideways. First based on the body armor and the booby traps we can assume that he wanted to live and never planned to return home. From this we can infer that he knew he was going to get caught. The joker was captured many times in film and print, so getting caught would have been expected. I believe that the shooter (I am deliberately not using his name) got the idea in his head that after he was captured, the police would mass on his home and then once the bombs went off, he would be able to escape custody. this is what the joker would have done. This is why I say it was not well thought out. Taking a plan from a movie script and expecting it to work in real life is not a sign of forethought.

3) Gun-Free Zones do not work. If we learn nothing else from Aurora, we should finally learn that criminals do not read the signs posted on doors. When a "gun-free zone" is created it eliminates only the guns being carried by law abiding citizens. When a bad guy with a gun starts doing bad things, he will continue until good guys with guns stop him. This has happened so many times (including this time) that perhaps maybe the lesson will sink in. Just imagine how different Friday might have been if several members of the crowd had been able to return fire. (Anyone that is about to say "he was wearing a bullet-proof vest" go put one on, get shot in the chest and THEN talk to me about how they work.)

So, where does this leave us? The attack may have kept 4 million or so people at home, but about 16 million people still went out and saw the movie. Even more will see it as time goes by. We tend to bounce back from things like this. After 9/11, we huddled together for a while then we pulled ourselves together and went about our lives. We will do it again. Quicker this time for sure. In the meantime, we should know that this guy is just a guy. He is not a super villain. He is not even all that clever, a clever criminal would not have told the cops about the bombs. He will end up outlawing or reducing costumes at theaters, but that is about it. Whatever plan he had, whatever his delusions of grandeur, whatever he hoped to do, he failed. My heart  goes out to the families directly affected by this person, but I sleep well knowing that he will never harm another person and whatever he thought he was going to be doing today, he is not.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Dirty Pool

With 109 days left until the Presidential Election, things are getting nasty. On Thursday, blogs and Twitter were a buzz with jabs at Ann Romney and speculation of whether or not she said "you people" while discussing the release of more tax returns. I have no intention of debating whether or not she said that (she did not) what I want to talk about is the way it was received.

Not very long ago, it was considered the unwritten rule of politics that the Candidates family was off limits. In 2008 Rush Limbaugh was derided by members of his own party for pointing out that Michelle Obama had said "I have never been proud of America before now". A mere 4 years later and everything said by everyone is subject for debate and direct reflection on the candidate.

What is even more disheartening is the vicious nature of the attacks. For example one commenter stated "get your KKK hood out--you big racist--- pig racist! slime ball racist!" Now if we over look the destruction of the language and just get to the heart of saying "you people"="being racist" then we have a very scary prospect. The idea that anything uttered can now be labeled "racist" without proof or consequences, leaving it up to the accused to defend themselves is indeed chilling.

It has gotten to the point that as the supporters of Obama find it harder and harder to actually support what he stands for, they have decided to instead convince themselves they are voting against a far worse person in Romney. In order to do this they must make him seem less than human, different from the rest of us, somehow apart. By claiming that Ann called everyone else "you people" they succeed in that goal.

Having survived the brutal recall here in Wisconsin, I can state from experience that it will get much worse before it is over. I have seen teachers harassing kids on the way to school just because their dad is an office holder, I have seen vandalism, riots and 12 year old girls being shouted down by grown men. I have seen the dark side of Leftist politics, and it does not seem to be going away.

The best hope of returning civility to the discourse is the complete destruction of Liberal Ideas in the ballot box. Only then, (maybe) will we be able to begin healing. The left had a chance at healing the nation when in 2008 they won decisively. Instead of trying to heal the wounds they twisted the knife and then broke off the blade. The mistake was in assuming they had killed, when they had only wounded. Ask any hunter what happens when you wound a large animal. 2010 was just a warm up.

Editors Note- I may or may not see Dark Knight Rises over the weekend, If I do I will update early with my review of the film. Other wise Monday will feature a UFO video from a few years ago.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Faux News is Good News

Economy: President Obama surprised everyone by finally explaining the economy. Now that all Americans understand that getting ahead has nothing to do with hard work or good ideas everyone became a billionaire over night. Most towns are now in the process of removing their asphalt roads and repaving them with gold. One unforeseen consequence of everyone being rich however, is that no one seems willing to pave roads or pick up garbage.

Politics: Ron Paul has officially lost the race for the Republican Nomination for President. When he called Mitt Romney to conceded Romney accepted it graciously saying "Who are you and how did you get this number?"

Veepstakes: While rumors abound that Romney will announce his running mate sometime soon, FNN has learned that the Mayor of Talkeetna Alaska is in fact the front runner. With 15 years experience and the highest approval rating of any mayor in the nation we feel this is a perfect choice.

Sports: Athletes began arriving in London for the 2012 Summer Games to find the Olympic Village still under construction. When asked about the delays the foreman responded: "Wots this then? The Games are THIS year!? Blimey we best get cracking."

Weather: With most of the country locked in a severe draught scientists have been unable to conclusively tie the increased air temperature to the increased number of outdoor speeches given by Politicians. However, it has not been ruled out either.

Middle East: As tensions rise through all of the Arab States, and a full blown Civil war has been declared in Syria. Iran and Egypt are on the verge of separate wars with Israel and gas prices threaten to climb once more. The question on most American's Minds is : "Can I still get tickets to The Dark Knight Rises on Friday"

Monday, July 16, 2012

Spoilers

As the world renown San Diego Comicon ends and the assorted "clips" released during it appear on the web, I am struck by how much we as a society seem to like "spoilers". 

"Spoilers" are loosely defined as anything that gives insight into what will be seen later. A spoiler can be an excerpt from a book, an extended clip from a movie, the first few minutes of a TV show or in the case of a certain Time traveler a glimpse of the actual future.

Arguably the most anticipated movie of the year will be released later this week. When 'The Dark Knight Rises" hits theaters on Friday, it is expected to shatter all previous opening records. Because breaking every record known to man is not enough, the producers have decided to drum up extra attention by releasing a 13 minute sneak peek short and showing the film in full to a hand picked group of journalists who were sworn to secrecy. (I was not one of them).

The behind the scenes short film is pretty impressive. It gives a real taste of what the movie is likely to be and makes a person eager to see it. The problem comes from those sworn to secrecy about the whole film. you see a large number of people who did not see the film, claim to have seen the film and have released their so-called "spoilers" to the unsuspecting web.

I read a "spoiler" over the weekend that was clearly the produced by someone who had read the comic books closely and seen a couple of trailers but had certainly not seen the movie. This did not stop the writer from claiming to have inside knowledge to the film and extensive details into the plot and events. This is not the first time I have seen this. I first came across the phenomenon before the release of "Cloverfield" A highly secretive film with a massive viral campaign. People would take the desire for a "Spoiler" and turn that into traffic for their site just by claiming to be "in the know". The thing is, it works every time.

So why are we so interested in "knowing" beforehand? Is it just natural curiosity? Is it the thrill of being the first to know something your peers want to know also? Is it just a form of greed?

I think "spoilers" start when we are very young and first sneak into our parents room to find what is hidden in that large bag from a toy store that we saw them carry in just days before our birthday. We gladly ruin our own surprise, just for a glimpse, a taste of what is to come. History, legends and pop-culture are full of examples of horrible things happening to people who try to get that glimpse of forbidden knowledge. I wonder if we will ever get the hint.

So the next time you are trying to find a spoiler, remember: the surprise is often worth the wait.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Nerd Prom

For 42 years in a row people have been going to San Diego to celebrate all things nerdy without me. This year is no exception. As the San Diego Comic Book Convention (Comicon) gets started this week, I am left here in Wisconsin wishing I was there.

For the last 48 hours I have been devouring the Twitter and Facebook feeds of people I know that are there, celebrities that will be making appearances and TV shows that have booths. My youngest child eagerly asks me every few hours if the BBC has released any news on the new season of Doctor Who. Co workers are curious about our lunch table discussion shows Dexter and the Walking Dead.

Some people wait all year for the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show, others mark the calendar for the next big announcement from Apple. I look forward to Comicon every year. Even though I have never been there.

The wonder of the modern age we live in is that even without attending you can participate. In addition to the live feeds, many companies will use the "con" to launch ARGs or other cross promotional sites. In addition the trailers and clips that are shown at the convention will find their way to the web in mere minutes after being shown.

None of this compares to the pageantry that is on display at the hall itself. At the Walking Dead booth they have a diorama set up and allow visitors to take photos of themselves being chased by Zombies. BBC America Has the Tardis on display and will be hosting a panel discussion with the Doctor Himself and his co stars. In fine Comicon tradition they promise a "surprise" during the panel. Dexter Fans were treated to a panel last night that included the first 2 minutes of the Season 7 opener.

While TV shows and Comic books are making a big splash this year movies are not to be left out. There are posters for Rekall Corporation (A tie in to the remake of Total Recall) as well as a large booth sponsored by Omni Corp The Makers of RoboCop and the offical Police Department of Detroit. Omni Corp has a special offer for attendees this year: anyone that signs over the rights to their brain and spinal column will receive free police protection for a year! how can you beat that?

So while I would rather be there, I am here. Slugging away at my job trying to make the world a slightly better place. But my heart is not really in it today. Today, I am definitely California Dreamin. Lastly to all my friends at the con: I hope you have a great time, but I do hate you just a little bit for being there.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

News that's been abused

Fast and Furious: Federal Authorities announced the first arrests and indictments in the death of Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry. A 1 million Dollar reward has been offered for the arrest of the fugitives. Since that time the offices have been deluged with requests for the reward money from people claiming to know where Eric Holder is located. Unfortunately he remains at large and the reward is unpaid.

Economy: Businesses added just 80,000 jobs last month and unemployment remained at 8.2%. President Obama stated: "Do you have any idea how much work goes into making the numbers look ONLY this bad? Seriously, if you guys knew the truth I would have to leave the country in the middle of the night." GOP Candidate responded: "I still can't believe I am not ahead in the polls"

Politics: Democrats continue to demand Mitt Romney release more documents about his past. Among there demands: Tax returns for every person Romney has ever talked to, his Kindergarten through grad School transcripts, His 8th grade art projects, and all of his pets vaccination records. When asked if Obama would be releasing the same info the Campaign responded: "No of course not, The President wrote 2 books that are loosely based on facts, What more could you need?"

Supreme Court: The Obama Campaign released Chief Justice Roberts' family safe and unharmed following his deciding vote in the Obamacare decision. The justice was very happy to see them.

Campaign Finance: New calls for finance reform have arisen as the Obama campaign has released that people are giving more money to the GOP than to his campaign. "I should be able to spend more money than my opponents. That is the only fair way."

Sports: The National League won the All-Star game 8-0, No one cared.


This is FNN

Monday, July 9, 2012

I have Never Seen the Movie "Marty"

I was surprised to learn of Ernest Borgnine's passing yesterday. I was going to use the word "shocked" but someone dying at 95 years old is hardly shocking. To say that he will be missed is an understatement.

I do not remember the first thing I saw that had him in it. I do know that I have never seen a movie, show, or animated series featuring him that I did not enjoy.

Being a child of the 80's I would have to say that the Borgnine from "Airwolf" is the one I remember most. The cocky smile, he made me think of Han Solo if he was my grandfather. Later I would watch reruns of "McHales Navy" and countless movies all featuring that same goofy grin.

There is not much more I can say about the man I knew only from the characters he played. Others will write an length the facts of his life, his family his awards. I can only honor him in the way any fan can: By watching his films again, and again.

I think I will start with "Marty" I hear it is pretty good. and even won a few awards from some sort of film academy.

RIP Ernest

Friday, July 6, 2012

Fair Play

I have been on vacation this week, and have been spending my time helping my daughters prepare , transport and inspect their 4H fair projects. After a hectic week, the projects have been delivered and judged, the results were as always surprising. Projects we expected to do very well did not and projects we thought would do poorly achieved high marks.

While the judging is important the experience of submitting the projects is the real reward. Seeing the girls working together to get items baked or sewn or matted is always thrilling. The biggest drama occurred with the judging of the brownies. The girls made identical brownies using the same methods, recipe and ingredients. One received a first place blue and the pother received a fourth place pink. Needless to say; tears did flow.

The fair itself is always a good time. Lots of exhibits and fun things to do. My daughters surprised me by spending a good amount of time with a Honduran Milk Snake. Even going so far as to hold it themselves.

This fair has its share of yummy foods, the 2 favorites being the mini donuts and the cream puffs. Although we have yet to eat something there we did not enjoy.

There are almost no vendors or political booths this year. I am not sure if this is because of the economy, the heat (104 yesterday, 102 expected today) or if there is something else going on that I am not aware of. The one vendor I did see was selling the "World's Smallest Vacume" and "Hammer Handels". I was curious to find out what a "vacume" is but I could not get an answer. As for the "Hammer Handels" I can only assume it has something to do with a rock version of "The Messiah".

While many stop attending fairs once their children reach a certain age, fairs in WI are attended by people of all ages and many adults submit projects ion the open classes to be judged and sold as well. If you have not been to a fair in a few years I encourage you to try it again. You may be surprised at how much fun you have.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Fake News 1776 Edition

Philadelphia: John Hancock was removed from the continental congress chambers today after repeatedly signing his name in an overly large manner on various documents. "He took up the whole page! I was like "dude! leave some room for the rest of us!" - Thomas Jefferson

London: Nothing important happened here today.

General Washington: The general was seen spending a rare day off, locals claim that he was witnessed not chopping down cherry trees all day.


Paul Revere: was interviewed in "Silver Smithing Monthly Magazine" he stated that he was anxious to help no matter how the congress voted claiming "Hey, with a name that rhymes as easily as 'Revere' all I have do to is help a little and I will be sure to be famous. Just think of what that would do for business"

Continental Congress: After hours of debate the phrase "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" was selected over the much less popular "Demand for a government that can force the populace into purchasing anything; health insurance for example, by simply imposing massive taxes on failing to purchase the item. Just as the King is currently doing with the purchase of English Teas." The representative of possible Kenyan decent was very disappointed.

Colonial Militia: Volunteers from France begin training the militia into an organized fighting force. Although proper surrender techniques were covered more than other topics, discipline and readiness improve.

Boston: Notoriety surrounding the destruction of the tea 3 years ago has lead those involved to confess that getting drunk dressing in furs and feathers and dumping the tea into the harbor was not in fact an act of defiance against the crown. It was in fact an attempt to join a newly opened gentleman's club.




Happy Independence Day from FNN

Monday, July 2, 2012

Crap! There is a Teenager in the house!

Thirteen years ago today I was at a party celebrating my birthday. It was a great party featuring plenty of beer, friends and the debut of a new baby back rib recipe. I was having a fantastic time, enjoying my "guest of honor" status and taking advantage of the fact that my wife at 7 1/2 months pregnant was an automatic designated driver. That all changed when a couple hours into the party (and before the ribs were served) her water broke and our hosts drove us to the hospital. 14 hours later and 6 weeks early my first child was born.

The years since have left me filled with awe as I have watched her grow from a tiny thing nestled in my arms to the young woman of today fierce and ready for the world. The ups and downs have been many from the pride she had when an "Award of Merit" (one of the higest awards given) was placed on a project of hers at the fair, to the sorrow when her "arch enemy" was choosen before her at school. I have watched her best friend become a stranger to her and strangers morph into best friends. I have wiped tears that I did not understand, and cheered accomplishments that I also did not understand.

Everyday brings new wonder as she becomes more incredible. Watching her change before my eyes brings both pride and fear, as she drifts away from me and into a world of her own. I find myself less able to offer advice, less aware of what is bothering her than I was just a few years ago. In addition the older she gets the less she wants her dad to help. I know that we all went through a phase in which we "knew" our parents were idiots that just do not understand us, but it is much harder to be on this side of that debate than I ever dreamed. Still, it is impossible not to be proud of her.

Now has come the time for me to share what I have learned with you dear reader. Below you will find a comprehensive list of everything I have learned about parenting and everything I know about raising a teenager. Please enjoy, I hope you find the tips useful and worthwhile. Perhaps you will be able to apply them to your own life. So without further ado, EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT RAISING A TEENAGED DAUGHTER:

1)






Happy Birthday Princess!