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Friday, September 28, 2012

On Blasphemy and Free Speech (Updated with Pictures)

Listening to President Obama's remarks at the UN earlier this week left me physically sick to my stomach. Never before has a President of the United States come down so forcefully against freedom of expression and the separation of church and state that we as Americans hold so dear.

When Obama stood on the world stage and equated those that SAY things that are offensive with those that kill in the name of being offended was beyond belief. When he further stated that Muslims had suffered more than any others I nearly vomited. First violence against Muslims is almost entirely carried out by other Muslims, second I know about 3000 people in New York, Arlington and Shanksville PA that would strongly disagree with that statement. (not to mention Ambassador Stevens, The Crew of the USS Cole, The staff of the US Embassies in Kenya and Tanzania and so on.)

The more I thought about his speech the angrier I became. Why is my President defending those that attack us and attack those that exercise their constitutional rights? Why is the President of the United States even mentioning 'Blasphemy"? I decided that I could not let this stand. Something must be done. A point must be made. But what can I do to let Obama know that I still have the right to say whatever I want? It would have to be big. Something that might be noticed. I thought for a while, and came up with what I think is the ultimate expression of free speech. I burnt a book.




What book? Ahh that is the key. I am not telling. I placed a book in a brown paper bag sealed it so that no one but I could know the title and tossed it into my fire pit at home.

Why did I chose this? Simple. Now everyone can be offended. I encourage each and every one of you to think of the burnt book as whichever book would offend you most. Was it a sacred text? A political work? The Constitution? Dreams From my Father? The Koran? The Torah? Harry Potter? I will never tell. I purchased the book with my own money and burnt it on private property. I did this because in America we still have our freedoms and rights. I do not go through my day with the intent of offending anyone ever. But When the President of the United States tells me I am NOT ALLOWED to be offensive, then in the words of Malcom Reynolds : "I intend to misbehave"

Mr. President, No where in the Constitution that you swore to protect and defend does it say : "Freedom of speech shall be limited if it hurts the feelings of any particular group." Nor does it say that "Congress shall not establish a religion but the President can do whatever he wants". You went over the line Mr. President. I hope the rest of America shows you exactly how far over the line you went this November.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

News Fake and Hand Picked

The NFL Announced that it would be standing behind "the call" that gave the Seattle Seahawks the win over the Green Bay Packers. In a written statement the league declared that the call was due to outrage over the "Innocence of Muslims" trailer and that the replacement refs could not be held accountable for their actions.

Mitt Romney Released his 2011 tax returns proving once and for all that reporters on most news shows have no idea how taxes work.

President Obama Addressed the UN Stating that the "future must not belong to those who slander the prophet of Islam" he went on to mention that "while insulting other religions is bad, Christians and Jews rarely blow shit up so it is not so bad to insult them but leave the Muslims alone, m'kay"

Preparations are under way for the first Presidential debate to be held in Denver on 10/03/2012. After tense negotiations between the 2 campaigns the format and rules were decided upon. Edged and blunt weapons will be allowed but no firearms. The stage will be in closed in a 4 sided cage with no roof. Vice Presidents will not be allowed to tag in. A Romney spokesperson who declined to be named stated "Obviously we did not get everything we wanted, but we feel the debate rules will allow for a fair and vigorous discussion of the topics."

Darwinian Law was questioned this week when 5 teenagers in western Wisconsin survived setting off illegal fireworks inside a moving vehicle. Dr. Bradly Whittacre commented on the situation: "We are seeing this happen more often, events that should be eliminating the unfit from the population are only causing injuries. These members are often allowed to return to the wild where they are able to reproduce and spread their traits. We are rethinking the entire concept of "natural selection" because of this."

Monday, September 24, 2012

On Wisconsin And the Changing Seasons

This is the time of year that I both enjoy and dread the most. I love the crispness of the cooler air, the color of the sun through the changing leaves and the start of fall sports. I dread that these things signify the oncoming winter.



Winter was a season that I used to enjoy. Growing up in Ohio, winter was a tame beast that behaved itself and only occasionally announced its presence. Now that I live in Wisconsin, winter is a completely different animal. Here winter has no manners, no leash and is not even remotely housebroken. High temperatures during a Wisconsin Winter are often colder than the lows in other states. The phrase "Blizzard Warning" is used often and with seriousness. In short Wisconsin Winters suck.
But we are not there yet, and Wisconsin Autumns are incredible. This past weekend saw Homecoming parades, Fall Festivals and Campfires galore. it seemed as though everyone was outdoors, celebrating the change in the weather and getting some last rays of sunlight before we go into hibernation until spring.

Popular culture tells us New England is the place to visit for Fall, but I defy anyone to find a more lovely landscape of changing leaves than what I see everyday between my house and my office. When you combine those views with a people who are straining to enjoy every last moment of good weather, you get a combination that is unmatched.

Yes our Winter is awful, but our Autumn is fantastic.




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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

News recently faked

The Obama campaign: Attacked Mitt Romney for comments regrading the number of people paying income tax, China and the Israel-Palestinian conflict. "That Governor Romney would state before a crowd of donors and accurately state the nature of problems facing this nation and discuss practical solutions is unconscionable! The notion of a politician telling the truth is completely unheard of in this day and age and Romney should be ashamed of himself!" When asked for comment Governor Romney simply shook his head and sighed.

NBC Released the first new show of the fall season this week. Revolution is the networks attempt to break into the "Hunger Games" fan base by creating a show entirely based on a 17 year old girl wearing a leather jacket and carrying a bow. Critics argue that perhaps a plot of some sort should have been included but NBC insists the girl, jacket, bow combination will win viewers.

White House Spokesman Jay Carney: Was disappointed this week to discover that he does not in fact have Jedi mind control powers. During the weekly briefing he waved his hand in front of the reporters and repeated : "There were no terrorist attacks in Libya  last week, It was a riot about a movie" Despite numerous attempts only a handful of reporters repeated the message. When asked for comment Carney replied: "Hey I am new at this Jedi stuff, I am surprised that it worked on as many as it did. My Master Darth Barack is much better at this than I am and usually gets the whole room to believe whatever he says. It is truly awe inspiring, the bigger the lie he tells the more they believe it, someday I hope to be as powerful as him"

Mitt Romney: Fired back at the Obama Campaign today by releasing a 1998 video of the President claiming to want to trick people into redistributing the nation's wealth. Obama responded : " Duh! that is my whole campaign platform, rob from the rich, give to the poor and keep 75% off the top for myself and my lackeys. It is a strong platform and I think the people of America are just gullible enough to buy it again."

Egypt has called for the arrest of everyone that was involved in the film "Innocence of Muslims" and all 7 people who have seen it. In addition, they would like all Christians, Jews, and Atheists to commit ritual suicide in shame of the film and have the entire United States Government turned over to 3 Clerics from Deerborn MI.

Monday, September 17, 2012

On Living in the Twilight Zone

So it has finally happened. We have managed to leave the conventional laws of the universe behind and have entered an alternate reality. Science Fiction writers for years have been predicting that something like this could happen , but I had always assumed that was the work of over active imaginations. Not anymore, now I realize those were dire warnings of things to come. And now those warnings have been fulfilled.

Reasons I know we now live in an alternate reality:

1) Rahm Emanuel has filed suit to force the Teacher's union to end their strike. In fact he is being referred to as an Union Buster and "right wing" by many in the media. Only in an Alternate Reality could Barack Obama's former chief of staff be referred to as "right wing"

2) Rachel Maddow gets it right and calls Obama on his BS. “Anybody who tells you that what happened to our ambassador and our consulate was the result of a protest over an offensive movie, you should ask them why they think that,” Maddow said. “I mean, that was the first version of events we heard, that does not seem to explain what happened that night. It does not seem to be born out by the facts the more facts we get.”  Further proof that we have left the known Universe behind, Maddow has ignored the official story from the White House and the President and told the truth regarding the attacks. The Universe in which I was born would have never seen that happen.

3) US Government Apologizes for Free Speech. In a stunning announcement the Embassy in Cairo blamed US free speech for the attacks and promised to crack down on those exercising free speech. The FBI then investigated and announced publicly the name of the person who had made the "video". Despite the fact that no crime had been committed. (ed- the Cairo Embassy Statement has since been scrubbed from the website)

4) IL gets it right and WI gets it wrong. After over a year of working to set the ship right in WI, numerous lawsuits, recall elections, protests and violence; just when everything seemed to finally be settled, ACT 10 was overturned by a county judge. This happened on the same weekend when Chicago has decided to crack down on the union their and force the end to a strike.


So, now that we know we have left the old universe behind, what happens next? Your guess is as good as mine. But the fact is I do not care for this brave new world in which we have been thrust and want very much to get back to the world we left behind. Can it be done? Who knows? But I do have a theory: if enough people vote this fall to remove Obama from office, maybe , just maybe we will slip back through the cracks and return to the universe we once knew. If that does not work stock up on food and ammo because surely, the Zombies cannot be far behind.






Wednesday, September 12, 2012

News, not fake this time

Sometimes events make it impossible to write a lighthearted parody. Today is one of those days.

On the anniversary of 9/11 protesters scaled the walls of our embassy in Cairo, stormed our mission in Libya and killed US Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens. The alleged reason for these attacks? A Dutch film that is online that is apparently offensive to Islam. Let me say that again: The US Ambassador was killed because a DUTCH filmmaker made a movie that some people took offense to. That makes as much sense as someone firebombing a Wal-Mart because McDonald's gave him a cold cup of coffee.

So what has our government done to protect us? Well first off the US Embassy in Cairo Released this statement condemning the FILMMAKER and his movie:


The U.S. Embassy said in a statement that it “condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims — as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions.”



“Respect for religious beliefs is a cornerstone of American democracy,” the statement read. “We firmly reject the actions by those who abuse the universal right of free speech to hurt the religious beliefs of others.”
President Obama in hearkening back to Carter's response to Afghanistan in 1979 (the last time an Ambassador was killed)  "Strongly condemned the attack"


But we should not be concerned, after all in his acceptance speech Obama stated "The historic change sweeping across the Arab World must be defined not by the iron fist of a dictator or the hate of extremists, but by the hopes and aspirations of ordinary people who are reaching for the same rights that we celebrate today."  So it was just "free speech" being exercised yesterday, nothing to worry about at all. Those were just regular folks blowing off a little steam and they got out of hand.

I am at a loss for words at how angry I am right now. The fact that not only were we attacked once again on 9/11, but by the fact that our President is barely acknowledging that it happened. There was no prime-Time address, no break from campaigning to return to the White House, heck, he wasn't even reading with school children yesterday. The media was complicit in there were no "Breaking News" alerts, in fact this was not even the top story on many broadcasts.

Now, as I am writing this Mitt Romney, the CANDIDATE for President, is going to address the nation on the murder of the Ambassador and the attacks on our soil. Just think about that, which of the 2 men seems more like a leader RIGHT NOW? (immediately after it was announced that Romney would be speaking, Obama announced a speech for 1 hour later)

Obama was right, we face a clear choice this fall. And he is making it clearer every day.

Please, dear reader; I am begging you. Do everything you can to make certain that this November Obama is voted out of office. We cannot afford another 4 years of mismanaged foreign policy, domestic policy and socialist economic policy. Please vote.






Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Never Forget



Please take a moment today and hug a loved one, call an old friend, donate to a charity, give blood or volunteer.

Monday, September 10, 2012

On Chicago Teachers and Scott Walker

Having waded through the insanity that has been Wisconsin over the last year (recalls, rallies, teacher's Sick Outs, Adults shouting down a 12 year old girl) I was disheartened to wake up this morning to the news that Chicago Teachers are striking.

Why are they striking? Apparently they are unhappy with a 16% pay raise and 7 hour work days. Not to mention a work year of only 180 days. But lets put all that aside. Chicago has a far left leadership in Rahm Emmanuel and a far left teacher's union. At the end of the day this strike is over the fact that the mayor was forced to say 'no' to a small portion of the teacher's demands, namely a 30% pay raise.

So that brings us to Scott Walker and the genius of Act 10 (A.K.A. "The Budget Repair Bill" and "the Scott Walker hates teachers and nurses bill") Because of Act 10 Wisconsin school children will never again be held hostage to a union making unreasonable and unrealistic demands during budget troubles. What is happening in Chicago is proof positive that Walker got it right.

A part of me should be happy about the Chicago mess. As so many of the players are directly related to the Obama White House any turmoil simply reflects badly on him. But the truth is I am a parent first and foremost. The thought of thousands of children being used are barter chips in a high stakes game of "gimme gimme gimme!!!" it makes me sick.

For those of you who are not teachers, just imagine for a moment how your boss would react to a demand that 16% pay raise, 7 hour work day and 180 work days a year is not good enough. If your boss is anything like mine, the door would be waiting. In my less than humble opinion that is exactly what should be waiting for these striking teachers.

Friday, September 7, 2012

DNC Day 3 Alternate reality Edition

Joe Biden was allowed on stage for a bit Thursday night. during that time he re wrote history by claiming that Obama personally saved the auto industry, found and killed Bin Laden moving heaven and earth to do so.

Seriously, Biden just claimed that Obama killed Bin Laden but Romney would not have. Only the courage of Obama and his gutsy calls Bin Laden is dead.

New Campaign slogan: Osama Bin Laden is Dead and GM is alive. Despite the fact that last year Obama stated emphatically that he would not use bin Laden for political gain as it was an American victory not an Obama victory.

Medicare: "Republicans will bankrupt Medicare by 2016 our plan has it solvent until at least 2018"

Taxes: Biden is acting as though it is a surprise that Republicans are against raising taxes.

Equal Pay for Equal work: This myth still confuses me. There is not a single women in my department doing the exact same job I do that is not making more money than I am.

Obamacare: "He pushed health care reform through despite the fact that no one wanted it because he personally wanted it." This was a centerpiece of the DNC video introduction of Obama.

Bin Laden: Once again The DNC used Bin Laden as a campaign prop. I cannot recall a single US president ever running on the Death of an Individual. Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Hirohito and the rest none of them were ever used in a campaign video.

54,000 people: No mention has yet been made of any special arrangements for the thousands of people that were planning to see the President but now can't since the venue was changed.

The Definition of Irony: Barack Obama complaining about too much money in a campaign.

"This election is a choice: between 2 paths for this nation." -Barack Obama. I could not agree more. Now is the time to change paths.

Obama Compared his Path to the New deal: It should be remembered that the new Deal is widely credited with extending the great depression by several years and it was only ended by America's entrance into WWII. Will it take WWIII to help us recover from Obama?

Rewarding Companies: Code for "punitive taxes on any company that does not do what we want"

Alternative Energy: Obama is talking about new jobs in alternate energies on the 1 year anniversary of the Solyndra bankruptcy. In addition he talks about lower energy use without acknowledging the fact that gas cost 3.89/gallon now and only cost 1.85 on the day he took office.

10 year plan: Obama keeps mentioning things he wants to do over the next 10 years. Fuel economy, oil imports, hiring teachers, funding medicare. I have to wonder: does he realize this is only a four year job?

I am sure that he said a lot more crap thought sounded plausible and hell maybe he even believes some of it. The simple fact of the matter is that Obama has had 4 years to do the things he is promising that he will now do. During the First 2 years of that time he had a rubber stamp congress with massive majorities in both chambers. If all of these things he wants to do are so good and so important: why hasn't he done it already? If raising taxes is so urgent: why did he extend the tax rates when he had the congress? Why should we believe a word he says?

Thursday, September 6, 2012

DNC Day 2 Beyond Parody

My Intention was to write a "fake news" post regarding the second day of the convention, but the reality is too hard to parody.

Elizabeth Warren: "I spoke to people all over who are worried about how hard it is out there these last several years. re elect Obama so he can fix what has gone wrong." Apparently Ms. Warren is unaware of who has been president the last 4 years.

Sandra Fluke: "If Mitt Romney is elected women across America will die."

Elizabeth Warren: "Corporations are not people" What does she think a corporation is if not a group of people working together?

Sandra Fluke: "In that America, your new president could be a man who stands by when a public figure tries to silence a private citizen with hateful slurs. A man who won't stand up to the slurs, or to any of the extreme, bigoted voices in his own party.” The irony was unintentional.

Democratic Platform: The platform was amended today to mention Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and put the word "god" in the platform. This action was "booed" loudly by the delegates.

An Illegal Alien: was given the platform to speak about how she had successfully scammed the system for years getting a free public education and developing a network of support for Obama. There was no mention of how it was that a foriegn national had any standing to suggest who should be president of this nation.

Bill Clinton: took the stage to say how he was able to take and turn a recession around in 4 years but just because Obama couldn't is no reason not to elect him.

Bill Clinton: Just look at Obama's record of co-operation he has worked with several Democrats that ran against him and disagreed with him. What more proof do you need that he can reach out?

Bill Clinton: Joe Biden did a great job!

And the most disturbing part? I am pretty sure they actually believe this crap.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Fake News Democrat Convention Day One

Martin O'Malley: took the stage to remind everyone that Mitt Romney intends to beat women and children to death, fire all Police Officers and Give all money in the nation to the Billionaires.

Violence: Everyone attending the DNC was raped at least 3 times before they were able to enter the hall.

Julian Castro: The mayor of San Antonio made history by being the first Latino key note speaker at a Democrat National Convention. Latino Voters responded by saying" what I thought the democrats were our party."

Education: Julian Castro pointed out that his classmates at Stanford and Harvard had a better opportunity than his classmates from High school. How he made it from his High School to those top schools remains a mystery to this day.

MSNBC: Proved its integrity once again by describing a speech that labeled all Republicans as vile monsters out to kill women children and the elderly as "an even thoughtful look at the policies" (Unfortunately I am not making this one up.)

FNN- Tune in on Thursday for a recap of tonight's festivities

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

On The Return to Work After Labor Day

First let me apologize for the lack of a post yesterday. I was enjoying a water park with my family and generally taking the day off.

For most of us, Labor day is a day to relax and celebrate the end of Summer and the return to school. For Union leaders and Democrats it is an opportunity for them to remind the rest of us that THEY created the holiday and without Labor Unions we would all have to work the first Monday in September. Of course my response to that is "Great but what have you done SINCE then?"

The biggest problem with Labor day is returning to work. For me (and many others) just because we do not have to do the work on Labor Day does not mean the work does not need to be done. (For example I am still writing this just a day later.)

The Tuesday after is a hectic frantic day. It will be spent by workers everywhere trying to get 2 days work done in a single day. As I look at the pile of stuff I have to do today I have to wonder, was the day at the water park REALLY worth all I have to go through now? (yes it was.)

I hope everyone had a safe and fun day.


NOTE: For the rest of the week expect more, shorter fake news posts than usual as I intend to mock the DNC at least a little bit every night.