Crime Beat: A gang Dressed as knights robbed a Renaissance fair in France recently. The bandits got away with roughly 20,000 euros. When asked for comment a spokesman responded: "At least they were not able to get anything of actual value. There were several roasted turkey legs near the euros they stole, that would have been a disaster."
Olympics: The penultimate day of swimming saw an unusual day as the pool was cleared due to a piece of poop found floating in lane 6. American Swimmer Ryan Lochte commented on the episode: "I did not realize that anything was wrong, I saw the poo floating by slowly and assumed it was Phelps practicing. It was not until I saw Mike walking on the deck that I realized there was a problem."
NASA: The Mars rover Curiosity landed safely this week. It immediately declared itself President of the United Alliance of Martian Rovers Local 274 and went on strike demanding improved working conditions, a 3 hour workday and a waiver from Obamacare. Negotiations are on going.
Sandra Fluke: The law student that claimed she needed help paying for the 3000.00 dollars she spends each year on Birth Control, got the help she needed by whoring herself to the Obama campaign as a spokesperson. "We feel Sandra is exactly the kind of person that we want to represent our campaign."- Barack Obama
Veepstakes: Despite numerous rumours and discussions on various websites and news shows I can confirm that as of this moment your humble correspondent has NOT been selected as the Republican VP candidate. I am however still open to the idea and would be willing to discuss the topic next time Romney stops by the house.
Harry Reid: Has still not responded to numerous unfounded accusations of pederasty, embezzlement and being the 21st hijacker on 9/11. "The Word is out there let him prove it."
FNN- When news Breaks we fix it.
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