Vice President Joe Bidden has vanished following Paul Ryan's nomination acceptance speech. The only clues at this time are a television with a remote lodged in the screen, A trail of damp tissues and a low sobbing noise from beneath the Vice President's Bed. This is a developing Story. More information when it becomes available.
Update: Secret Service Agents are still looking for the Vice President who has now been missing for nearly 10 hours. Doctors fear permanent saliva and suction damage to his thumb if he is not found soon.
Update: A ransom note of sorts has been found on the floor of the Vice Presidents bed Chamber. It reads in part: "Leave a fifth of whiskey and a bucket of chicken on the end table and close the door" Analysts are inspecting the note now for any forensic evidence.
Update: Agents forced their way into the Vice President's room when they hear breaking glass. Upon entering they found a broken bottle of whiskey, an empty bucket of chicken and what appeared to be the Vice President's pants laying next to an open window.
Update: The Vice President was found in the woods near his home. He was naked and muttering the name "Paul Ryan" repeatedly. Experts disagree on whether or not he is as mentally fit as he was before the incident.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Fake News Fresh From the Press
Hurricane Isaac: The Obama campaign was disappointed when Hurricane Isaac made landfall on Wednesday and failed to cause enough destruction to cancel the Republican Convention Completely and prevent Romney from becoming the nominee. "We were really counting on Isaac to interrupt the convention more and prevent Romney and his supporters from addressing the nation. But the storm is still churning so maybe New Orleans will flood again before Ryan's speech on Wednesday Night. We have our fingers crossed."
Ann Romney: The Republican Nominee's wife took center stage on Tuesday and delivered the best address by a candidates spouse or even a candidate in recent memory. When asked her opinion of the speech Michelle Obama replied "THAT BITCH!" The campaign quickly pointed out that her remarks were out of context and referred only to a dog.
Chris Matthews: Was hospitalized for "Exhaustion" after a series of unhinged interviews with Newt Gingrich and Reince Preibus. As he was being escorted away he was heard shouting "You are all racists! See you are even wearing WHITE jackets! Everyone everywhere is a racist! hahahah!" Doctors are considering an unprecedented second lobotomy as a treatment (The first having been performed in early 2007)
Chipotle: The Mexican restaurant chain has been caught rounding bills up to the nearest even amount in order to avoid dealing with pennies. The result is an untold fortune in unearned profits. A company spokesman stated: "Hey it seemed to work fine in Superman III and Office Space, so we thought Why not? Who could have known that something from a movie would not work out in real life?"
The Fall of Civilization: Was completed this week when customers began spending 290.00 on a Plain Brown Paper Bag. The designer responsible for the bag stated: "Holy Crap! people are actually buying this thing? all I did was get a bag from the store and write my name on it with a sharpie! People are Effing Stupid!"
Ann Romney: The Republican Nominee's wife took center stage on Tuesday and delivered the best address by a candidates spouse or even a candidate in recent memory. When asked her opinion of the speech Michelle Obama replied "THAT BITCH!" The campaign quickly pointed out that her remarks were out of context and referred only to a dog.
Chris Matthews: Was hospitalized for "Exhaustion" after a series of unhinged interviews with Newt Gingrich and Reince Preibus. As he was being escorted away he was heard shouting "You are all racists! See you are even wearing WHITE jackets! Everyone everywhere is a racist! hahahah!" Doctors are considering an unprecedented second lobotomy as a treatment (The first having been performed in early 2007)
Chipotle: The Mexican restaurant chain has been caught rounding bills up to the nearest even amount in order to avoid dealing with pennies. The result is an untold fortune in unearned profits. A company spokesman stated: "Hey it seemed to work fine in Superman III and Office Space, so we thought Why not? Who could have known that something from a movie would not work out in real life?"
The Fall of Civilization: Was completed this week when customers began spending 290.00 on a Plain Brown Paper Bag. The designer responsible for the bag stated: "Holy Crap! people are actually buying this thing? all I did was get a bag from the store and write my name on it with a sharpie! People are Effing Stupid!"
Monday, August 27, 2012
On the Fall of Legends and the Death of Heroes
This was a particularly tough weekend for me. As I was preparing to put into words my feelings about Lance Armstrong I received the bad news that we had lost Neil Armstrong (No Relation).
Lance was a hero of mine in the way we all watched him over come the challenges of cancer to become the best in the world in his chosen sport. The LiveStrong foundation for cancer prevention is a great charity and his work to bring attention to a disease no one wants to think about much less talk about has doubtlessly saved lives. Now after a 10 year fight with the Anti Doping agency has given up. While I still do not think he was doping (he DID pass over 500 drug tests) the fact that the man best known for never giving up will now be known for giving up breaks my heart.
Lance's face and voice are known around the world, but his fame pales next to Neil's.
Truth be told, I never really cared for Neil Armstrong. But that is likely because I never got to know him. Fellow astronaut and second man on the moon (by just a few moments) Buzz Aldrin appears on TV all the time doing interviews, appearing in fiction works as cameos of himself and so on. Buzz, I have gotten to know over the years. But Neil, not so much. By all accounts he would never speak of the moon at all. Legend says that he would eat lunch in the same small diner every day but would get up and leave as soon as anyone asked him about the moon. His supporters claim this is a sign of modesty, however this refusal to speak of the moon fueled many a conspiracy nuts fantasy of a faked lunar landing.
But the name "Neil Armstrong" conveys a sense of glory and adventure that we may never see again. Until someone upstages him by being the first person to step on Mars, his name will inspire children and the adventurers around the world.
So in 2 very different but real ways we have lost 2 very different Armstrongs this weekend. And we are less because of it.
PS: I am not one that believes in the Rule of "things happen in 3's" but after losing the First American Woman in Space and the First Man on the Moon in close order, I hope that the First American to Orbit the Earth, the 91 year old John Glenn; visits his doctor for a checkup soon.
Lance was a hero of mine in the way we all watched him over come the challenges of cancer to become the best in the world in his chosen sport. The LiveStrong foundation for cancer prevention is a great charity and his work to bring attention to a disease no one wants to think about much less talk about has doubtlessly saved lives. Now after a 10 year fight with the Anti Doping agency has given up. While I still do not think he was doping (he DID pass over 500 drug tests) the fact that the man best known for never giving up will now be known for giving up breaks my heart.
Lance's face and voice are known around the world, but his fame pales next to Neil's.
Truth be told, I never really cared for Neil Armstrong. But that is likely because I never got to know him. Fellow astronaut and second man on the moon (by just a few moments) Buzz Aldrin appears on TV all the time doing interviews, appearing in fiction works as cameos of himself and so on. Buzz, I have gotten to know over the years. But Neil, not so much. By all accounts he would never speak of the moon at all. Legend says that he would eat lunch in the same small diner every day but would get up and leave as soon as anyone asked him about the moon. His supporters claim this is a sign of modesty, however this refusal to speak of the moon fueled many a conspiracy nuts fantasy of a faked lunar landing.
But the name "Neil Armstrong" conveys a sense of glory and adventure that we may never see again. Until someone upstages him by being the first person to step on Mars, his name will inspire children and the adventurers around the world.
So in 2 very different but real ways we have lost 2 very different Armstrongs this weekend. And we are less because of it.
PS: I am not one that believes in the Rule of "things happen in 3's" but after losing the First American Woman in Space and the First Man on the Moon in close order, I hope that the First American to Orbit the Earth, the 91 year old John Glenn; visits his doctor for a checkup soon.
Friday, August 24, 2012
On Lance Armstrong
I will be posting at length on this topic later in the day as more facts become available. For right now suffice it to say that I am more than a little heartbroken over the fall of one of my heroes. And whether or not the doping allegations are true, he still has an amazing story.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Faux Gnus is Good Gnus
Mayor Bloomberg: Confirmed the beliefs of millions this week when he publicly announced that illegal immigration along the Southern US border had ended a very long time ago. Ranchers in Southern States were relived to learn that the people sneaking through their lands at not are not doing so illegally.
Voter ID: In order to display the hardships involved in getting an ID in order to vote the Plaintiff in the PA anti-ID lawsuit when through the arduous task of getting an ID. She was forced to take 2 separate buses show her old Medicare card and copies of letter s to her from the State welfare office. In all this horrifying experience took nearly 2 hours and several dollars in bus fare. Obviously much too high a hurdle for most Americans.
White House Press Pool: Has been snubbed lately as the President decided to give interview to more local reporters instead of Press briefings. Many of the Pool feel this denies the public the chance to have tough questions asked of the President, however as you can clearly hear in this interview With KOBFM's "Morning Mayhem" Local reporters can be every bit as tough as the Press Pool. We here at FNN look forward to our chance to ask the President what he likes most about Wisconsin our Cheese or our Fish Frys. The People Deserve to know.
Todd Akin: The scientific community was rocked this week by Representative Akin's Revelation that rape cannot cause pregnancy. "This changes everything we thought we knew about biology and reproduction. We are back to the drawing board here. What causes pregnancy? What is the sex act intended for? Are Birds and Bees actually part of human reproduction and not just a metaphor? These are the questions we are now asking." - Dr. John Whitten Mayo Clinic.
Whoopi Goldberg: Sharply criticized Akin's "Legitimate rape" remark as insensitive and wrong. "The suggestion that some rapes are not as bad as others is just sickening. Unless of course the victim is at least 13 and thinks the guy is dreamy then of course it is OK and should not be a crime or nothin."
FNN- Making up the news that MSNBC doesn't
Voter ID: In order to display the hardships involved in getting an ID in order to vote the Plaintiff in the PA anti-ID lawsuit when through the arduous task of getting an ID. She was forced to take 2 separate buses show her old Medicare card and copies of letter s to her from the State welfare office. In all this horrifying experience took nearly 2 hours and several dollars in bus fare. Obviously much too high a hurdle for most Americans.
White House Press Pool: Has been snubbed lately as the President decided to give interview to more local reporters instead of Press briefings. Many of the Pool feel this denies the public the chance to have tough questions asked of the President, however as you can clearly hear in this interview With KOBFM's "Morning Mayhem" Local reporters can be every bit as tough as the Press Pool. We here at FNN look forward to our chance to ask the President what he likes most about Wisconsin our Cheese or our Fish Frys. The People Deserve to know.
Todd Akin: The scientific community was rocked this week by Representative Akin's Revelation that rape cannot cause pregnancy. "This changes everything we thought we knew about biology and reproduction. We are back to the drawing board here. What causes pregnancy? What is the sex act intended for? Are Birds and Bees actually part of human reproduction and not just a metaphor? These are the questions we are now asking." - Dr. John Whitten Mayo Clinic.
Whoopi Goldberg: Sharply criticized Akin's "Legitimate rape" remark as insensitive and wrong. "The suggestion that some rapes are not as bad as others is just sickening. Unless of course the victim is at least 13 and thinks the guy is dreamy then of course it is OK and should not be a crime or nothin."
FNN- Making up the news that MSNBC doesn't
Monday, August 20, 2012
On My Wife and The Anniversary of her Birth
Some years ago today, never-mind how many exactly; the world was graced with the birth of the most amazing woman I have ever known. A fabulous Mother, Wife, Friend and Partner there is no better person to have beside you when you are going through life's triumphs or tribulations.
To hear her laugh is to hear the voice of the heavens themselves ringing clear and true and will bring a glow to even the most dour of spirits. When she smiles her eyes light up a bright blue that at times I believe one could nearly read by. However, those same eyes hold a power that can terrify. When she senses someone has wronged one of her own those bright eyes turn a dark gray and like a summer storm all those in her path should flee in terror.
She spends her free time helping others. Whether it be her work with the PTA or the local community meal or volunteering at church; she is always putting others before herself. She does these things not for praise or glory (in fact I doubt many even know how much she does) but simply because these things need to be done and she knows how to do them.
A more caring mother has never walked this planet. Whenever her children have any need or concern she is there with the tissue, the shoulder, the words of encouragement or reprimand as warranted. Some day the kids will look back and realize exactly how awesome their mother truly is, for now she does a good job of remembering they are young.
As a wife I could ask for none better. And while many things in a marriage must and should remain private I will simply say that I enjoy every aspect of her being and often find myself counting the minutes until I can see her again.
Happy Birthday Darling.
To hear her laugh is to hear the voice of the heavens themselves ringing clear and true and will bring a glow to even the most dour of spirits. When she smiles her eyes light up a bright blue that at times I believe one could nearly read by. However, those same eyes hold a power that can terrify. When she senses someone has wronged one of her own those bright eyes turn a dark gray and like a summer storm all those in her path should flee in terror.
She spends her free time helping others. Whether it be her work with the PTA or the local community meal or volunteering at church; she is always putting others before herself. She does these things not for praise or glory (in fact I doubt many even know how much she does) but simply because these things need to be done and she knows how to do them.
A more caring mother has never walked this planet. Whenever her children have any need or concern she is there with the tissue, the shoulder, the words of encouragement or reprimand as warranted. Some day the kids will look back and realize exactly how awesome their mother truly is, for now she does a good job of remembering they are young.
As a wife I could ask for none better. And while many things in a marriage must and should remain private I will simply say that I enjoy every aspect of her being and often find myself counting the minutes until I can see her again.
Happy Birthday Darling.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Fake News Op-Ed: FNN Endorses Barack Obama
It is our pleasure to formally announce our support for Barack Obama's reelection. Regular readers of this column should not be surprised by this as the high level of respect and faith FNN has in our commander in chief is on display nearly every day. But here are a few reasons why we think you should support him also.
First: It is important to show that this is a color blind nation to ensure that the second black president (Bill Clinton of course was the first) is a 2 term president. Failing to re-elect Obama would show the world that this is in fact a racist nation that only cares about the color of a person's skin. Seriously if you don't vote for the black guy you are are horrible racist.
Second: He is the only person with the skills needed to fix the economic problems he was handed. We all know that nothing that has ever happened anywhere is his fault or the result of policies he voted for as a member of a Democrat Majority in the Senate or as President for 2 years with a filibuster and veto proof majority in congress. In 2008 George Bush became the first president in history to pass budgets and laws without a single member of the majority party agreeing to them at all. Barack Obama has solved the problem by not passing budgets at all or even submitting them. A true stroke of genius.
Third: He is the smartest man ever to hold the office. Because none of us a smart enough to understand his intelligence and wisdom he has had his books ghostwritten by others and sealed his college records, but that is just for our protection; exposure to his raw intellect would blind the average human. If you doubt his intelligence just ask him he will tell you.
Forth: He is a badass mofo. Seriously Have you ever seen him in his jeans and helmet riding a bike? How tough is that? Also he personally took the political risk that Bin Laden might be able to get away from the Navy Seals. That is at least 1000 times harder than actually being a member of the team that got him. Also he is so tough he once ate a dog.
Fifth: Obama is from Chicago and the Chicago political scene. So we know he is honest. If there is one thing that comes to mind when you think of Chicago politics it is HONESTY.
Sixth: It is important to understand that this was NOT written because of fear of my name being placed on an enemies list, being audited repeatedly or because members of the SEIU are outside of my house right now. That is just wild speculation and should not be taken seriously.
This is an FNN op-ed
First: It is important to show that this is a color blind nation to ensure that the second black president (Bill Clinton of course was the first) is a 2 term president. Failing to re-elect Obama would show the world that this is in fact a racist nation that only cares about the color of a person's skin. Seriously if you don't vote for the black guy you are are horrible racist.
Second: He is the only person with the skills needed to fix the economic problems he was handed. We all know that nothing that has ever happened anywhere is his fault or the result of policies he voted for as a member of a Democrat Majority in the Senate or as President for 2 years with a filibuster and veto proof majority in congress. In 2008 George Bush became the first president in history to pass budgets and laws without a single member of the majority party agreeing to them at all. Barack Obama has solved the problem by not passing budgets at all or even submitting them. A true stroke of genius.
Third: He is the smartest man ever to hold the office. Because none of us a smart enough to understand his intelligence and wisdom he has had his books ghostwritten by others and sealed his college records, but that is just for our protection; exposure to his raw intellect would blind the average human. If you doubt his intelligence just ask him he will tell you.
Fifth: Obama is from Chicago and the Chicago political scene. So we know he is honest. If there is one thing that comes to mind when you think of Chicago politics it is HONESTY.
Sixth: It is important to understand that this was NOT written because of fear of my name being placed on an enemies list, being audited repeatedly or because members of the SEIU are outside of my house right now. That is just wild speculation and should not be taken seriously.
This is an FNN op-ed
Monday, August 13, 2012
On Paul Ryan and The Vice Presidency
Let me start by saying that I am a huge fan of Paul Ryan. He has the right ideas and the skill to make those ideas reality. Plus according to my wife he is just plain good looking. With all that being said, I am not happy with his selection as Mitt Romney's running mate. Let me explain.
First: The nation needs a Paul Ryan in the job that he had. It has been too long since we had a strong a knowledgeable person in the position of House Budget Committee Chairman. Paul Ryan brought a level of skill that has not been seen for decades to that job.
Second: A loss may be career ending for him. This pick reminds me of nothing more than the 1996 pick by Bob Dole of a young Jack Kemp. Kemp was thought to be the right wing golden child at the time. An up and comer that would likely be President one day. I have no idea what he has been doing since '96. But ask yourself this: when was the last time you heard his name mentioned by anyone?
Third: Paul Ryan is the boogieman. The Democrats have been running against Paul Ryan for quite some time now. Who can forget the ad in which Paul Ryan is shown throwing grandma off a cliff? (If you can't remember it the spokespeople on the Sunday news shows reminded you as much as possible by using the phrase "Pushing us over a cliff" at least 17 different times by my count.) For nearly 2 years the Democrats have blamed everything that has gone wrong on the "Ryan Budget". Now they get to do that on an even larger stage.
Fourth: The left has learned that it can lie about anything and the lies about Paul Ryan are close to being believed as fact. As this clever commercial points out Some people believe EVERYTHING they see on the Internet and TV. And many of those people vote. So right now in the eyes of many people you have Barack Obama courageously trying to save your Grandma from a tax dodging, money grubbing. murderer and his trusty sidekick "Over the Cliff-Man" Those kind of negatives are going to be hard to over-come.
I really do want the Romney-Ryan ticket to succeed. I do want someone as good or better to take Ryan's place in the house. I do not want another Dole-Kemp failure, and that is where I am afraid we are heading.
First: The nation needs a Paul Ryan in the job that he had. It has been too long since we had a strong a knowledgeable person in the position of House Budget Committee Chairman. Paul Ryan brought a level of skill that has not been seen for decades to that job.
Second: A loss may be career ending for him. This pick reminds me of nothing more than the 1996 pick by Bob Dole of a young Jack Kemp. Kemp was thought to be the right wing golden child at the time. An up and comer that would likely be President one day. I have no idea what he has been doing since '96. But ask yourself this: when was the last time you heard his name mentioned by anyone?
Third: Paul Ryan is the boogieman. The Democrats have been running against Paul Ryan for quite some time now. Who can forget the ad in which Paul Ryan is shown throwing grandma off a cliff? (If you can't remember it the spokespeople on the Sunday news shows reminded you as much as possible by using the phrase "Pushing us over a cliff" at least 17 different times by my count.) For nearly 2 years the Democrats have blamed everything that has gone wrong on the "Ryan Budget". Now they get to do that on an even larger stage.
Fourth: The left has learned that it can lie about anything and the lies about Paul Ryan are close to being believed as fact. As this clever commercial points out Some people believe EVERYTHING they see on the Internet and TV. And many of those people vote. So right now in the eyes of many people you have Barack Obama courageously trying to save your Grandma from a tax dodging, money grubbing. murderer and his trusty sidekick "Over the Cliff-Man" Those kind of negatives are going to be hard to over-come.
I really do want the Romney-Ryan ticket to succeed. I do want someone as good or better to take Ryan's place in the house. I do not want another Dole-Kemp failure, and that is where I am afraid we are heading.
Friday, August 10, 2012
No Post Today
I am sorry dear readers but I have nothing to share today. My obligations in the real world have left me with no time for a well thought out missive today. Look for things to be back to normal on Monday when I will give my Thoughts on either Shark Week or some random event from the weekend. Fake News Wednesday will have a presidential endorsement and Next Friday will be an Olympic wrap up.
So please enjoy the weekend, and I do apologize for not having anything to share today.
So please enjoy the weekend, and I do apologize for not having anything to share today.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
News: Oven Roasted to perfection
Crime Beat: A gang Dressed as knights robbed a Renaissance fair in France recently. The bandits got away with roughly 20,000 euros. When asked for comment a spokesman responded: "At least they were not able to get anything of actual value. There were several roasted turkey legs near the euros they stole, that would have been a disaster."
Olympics: The penultimate day of swimming saw an unusual day as the pool was cleared due to a piece of poop found floating in lane 6. American Swimmer Ryan Lochte commented on the episode: "I did not realize that anything was wrong, I saw the poo floating by slowly and assumed it was Phelps practicing. It was not until I saw Mike walking on the deck that I realized there was a problem."
NASA: The Mars rover Curiosity landed safely this week. It immediately declared itself President of the United Alliance of Martian Rovers Local 274 and went on strike demanding improved working conditions, a 3 hour workday and a waiver from Obamacare. Negotiations are on going.
Sandra Fluke: The law student that claimed she needed help paying for the 3000.00 dollars she spends each year on Birth Control, got the help she needed by whoring herself to the Obama campaign as a spokesperson. "We feel Sandra is exactly the kind of person that we want to represent our campaign."- Barack Obama
Veepstakes: Despite numerous rumours and discussions on various websites and news shows I can confirm that as of this moment your humble correspondent has NOT been selected as the Republican VP candidate. I am however still open to the idea and would be willing to discuss the topic next time Romney stops by the house.
Harry Reid: Has still not responded to numerous unfounded accusations of pederasty, embezzlement and being the 21st hijacker on 9/11. "The Word is out there let him prove it."
FNN- When news Breaks we fix it.
Olympics: The penultimate day of swimming saw an unusual day as the pool was cleared due to a piece of poop found floating in lane 6. American Swimmer Ryan Lochte commented on the episode: "I did not realize that anything was wrong, I saw the poo floating by slowly and assumed it was Phelps practicing. It was not until I saw Mike walking on the deck that I realized there was a problem."
NASA: The Mars rover Curiosity landed safely this week. It immediately declared itself President of the United Alliance of Martian Rovers Local 274 and went on strike demanding improved working conditions, a 3 hour workday and a waiver from Obamacare. Negotiations are on going.
Sandra Fluke: The law student that claimed she needed help paying for the 3000.00 dollars she spends each year on Birth Control, got the help she needed by whoring herself to the Obama campaign as a spokesperson. "We feel Sandra is exactly the kind of person that we want to represent our campaign."- Barack Obama
Veepstakes: Despite numerous rumours and discussions on various websites and news shows I can confirm that as of this moment your humble correspondent has NOT been selected as the Republican VP candidate. I am however still open to the idea and would be willing to discuss the topic next time Romney stops by the house.
Harry Reid: Has still not responded to numerous unfounded accusations of pederasty, embezzlement and being the 21st hijacker on 9/11. "The Word is out there let him prove it."
FNN- When news Breaks we fix it.
Monday, August 6, 2012
On NASA and the Robotic Colonization of Mars
I tired to stay up last night to watch the landing of Curiosity on Mars. I failed. Now this morning as I try to view images from the NASA websites I find most of them overloaded and unavailable. I can only assume that the reason they are overloaded is due to a vast number of people wanting to see what it is seeing.
Ever since it was first spotted, humanity has been trilled by the red planet. Sitting there so close and yet so unbelievably far away, it fuels the imagination easily. From the ancient times when our ancestors looked up and saw an angry god of war in that red spot to the more recent novels and movies depicting what might lie there, we as a race are intrigued by Mars. And now we are there, humans can look upon the surface of Mars and experience it themselves, almost.
I suppose that is why this is bitter sweet to me. We are able to launch an SUV to Mars, lower it safely via skycrane and watch live images beamed back. But still no one is there, the first prints on Mars are not those of a human boot taking one small step for man, but rather the tire tread of a vehicle that nearly runs without our help.
I find it more than a little troubling that NASA is capable of sending a machine this size all the way to Mars but cannot change a lightbulb on the space station they built without getting a lift from someone else. I understand the need for robotic missions, but no robot can take the place of a humans sense of adventure and curiosity that is vital in exploration. This machine cannot wonder what is over the next hill. It cannot check out something that "may be nothing but is worth a look". It cannot feel.
One last thought on the robots; in every story I have ever read that features a robot at some point it will turn on its creators. So while I will enjoy the pictures from Mars as much as anyone, I still want people to go there, preferably during my lifetime.
Ever since it was first spotted, humanity has been trilled by the red planet. Sitting there so close and yet so unbelievably far away, it fuels the imagination easily. From the ancient times when our ancestors looked up and saw an angry god of war in that red spot to the more recent novels and movies depicting what might lie there, we as a race are intrigued by Mars. And now we are there, humans can look upon the surface of Mars and experience it themselves, almost.
I suppose that is why this is bitter sweet to me. We are able to launch an SUV to Mars, lower it safely via skycrane and watch live images beamed back. But still no one is there, the first prints on Mars are not those of a human boot taking one small step for man, but rather the tire tread of a vehicle that nearly runs without our help.
I find it more than a little troubling that NASA is capable of sending a machine this size all the way to Mars but cannot change a lightbulb on the space station they built without getting a lift from someone else. I understand the need for robotic missions, but no robot can take the place of a humans sense of adventure and curiosity that is vital in exploration. This machine cannot wonder what is over the next hill. It cannot check out something that "may be nothing but is worth a look". It cannot feel.
One last thought on the robots; in every story I have ever read that features a robot at some point it will turn on its creators. So while I will enjoy the pictures from Mars as much as anyone, I still want people to go there, preferably during my lifetime.
Friday, August 3, 2012
On The Olympics and Why I Hate CNN
Like many people, I enjoy the spectacle of Sport. Watching the battle of body and will to see who will be the victor. The Olympics are the highlight of this, capturing many sports at once and showcasing the best of the best as they compete. It is thrilling and I love it. Unfortunately for this years games, I am time zone challenged and most of the events are occurring while I am at the office and unable to watch. Fortunately NBC has my back airing the most popular events on tape delay during the so called "prime-time" slot. So I spend the day avoiding news of the events so I can watch them and be surprised by the outcome.
Due to the nature of my day job along with a desire to keep up to date with events receive "breaking News" email alerts from various news outlets. This is where my hatred for CNN comes into play. Compare the following emails one from Fox news and the other from CNN:
See the difference? The Fox news email gives the reader the option of learning the outcome or finding out later. The CNN email does not even warn you in the subject that they are going to spoil the event. The Breaking News subject line is no different than when an actual event occurs. Here are the emails when the swimming events were held (my Favorite)
Fox News:
Due to the nature of my day job along with a desire to keep up to date with events receive "breaking News" email alerts from various news outlets. This is where my hatred for CNN comes into play. Compare the following emails one from Fox news and the other from CNN:
From: FoxNews.com [mailto:foxnews@newsletters.foxnews.com]Here is the one from CNN:
Sent: Thursday, August 02, 2012 12:24 PM
To: Fish
Subject: BREAKING NEWS: US Women Gymnasts Battle for Olympics Gold
Gabby Douglas leads American gymnasts into battle for individual gold at the London Olympics. Find out NOW how they did at http://email.foxnews.com/t?ctl=24F37:23D40F1529C078FCFFD5453B04CA5A6D&
From: CNN Breaking News [mailto:BreakingNews@mail.cnn.com]
Sent: Thursday, August 02, 2012 12:24 PM
To: textbreakingnews@ema3lsv06.turner.com
Subject: CNN Breaking News
Olympic Results: Gabrielle Douglas wins gold for U.S. in women's individual all-around gymnastics final.
Follow the Olympics on CNN.com , CNN TV and CNN Mobile.
See the difference? The Fox news email gives the reader the option of learning the outcome or finding out later. The CNN email does not even warn you in the subject that they are going to spoil the event. The Breaking News subject line is no different than when an actual event occurs. Here are the emails when the swimming events were held (my Favorite)
Fox News:
From: FoxNews.com [mailto:foxnews@newsletters.foxnews.com]CNN:
Sent: Thursday, August 02, 2012 2:40 PM
To: Fish
Subject: BREAKING NEWS: Phelps, Lochte Battle for Olympic Gold
American swimmers Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte compete in 200-meter individual medley final at the London Olympics. Find out NOW how they did at FoxNews.com
From: CNN Breaking News [mailto:BreakingNews@mail.cnn.com]CNN Has long been held in disrespect by myself and others for their perceived left leaning stance on reporting the news. However, this total disregard for the integrity of Sports reporting is an entirely new thing. I have no idea what mindset makes this kind of reporting happen, but I do know that if they are this irresponsible with Sports, then we cannot trust them with real news.
Sent: Thursday, August 02, 2012 2:38 PM
To: textbreakingnews@ema3lsv06.turner.com
Subject: CNN Breaking News
OLYMPIC RESULT: Michael Phelps wins gold in the 200-meter individual medley; fellow American Ryan Lochte takes the silver.
Phelps is the first man to win an individual swimming event in three consecutive Olympics. It is his record 20th lifetime medal and his 16th gold.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
News Fairly Unbalanced
Olympic Coverage: In a bold break from tradition CNN has decided to alert those who follow their breaking news feed of any significant medal wins or upsets in the Olympic without warning of spoilers. Thus eliminating that horrible suspense that viewers of sport suffer through while waiting to see the outcome. By knowing who will win before the event is aired in the US, viewers can now focus on the crowd, the broadcasters and all the important things in an event that are often overshadowed by the athletes.
Fashion: The Fashion world had its eyes glued to the 2 women who want to be The First Lady of the US in 2013, and they were not disappointed. Ann Romney was seen wearing an obscenely expensive 990.00 silk shirt, while Michelle Obama was seen looking royal in her reasonably priced 6800.00 jacket. Critics roundly scolded Mrs. Romney for being out of touch with such an expensive choice in shirts. Michelle Obama took a few moments between a Lobster Dinner in Maine and coffee in Maui to say "The Romney's are just out of touch they don't understand the plight of regular folks."
Politics: Still on the defensive regarding remarks he made about private enterprise not doing anything on its own, President Obama restated his claim that only massive government projects could create the Internet. Meanwhile the London Olympic Opening Ceremony featured the man who invented the World Wide Web, the usable backbone of the Internet. He reported launched a new website WWWkissmyassbarack.fu
Mitt Romney Drew fire this week by accurately stating what every newspaper and TV station in the world had been reporting for months. The London Olympics did not seem as prepared as they should be. After denouncing his remarks the people of London rallied to hold a Games filled with empty seat, complaints of price fixing and security breaches between Guards and Soldiers. When asked for comment Romney simply said "Oh, my bad. You guys TOTALLY have this sucker locked down tight! Great job. How quickly can I get to the airport from here?"
Chicago Values were on display this week when a flash mob stole 3000.00 worth of jeans from a high end store. Rahm Emanuel stated "I am just thankful that we have this example of what Chicago stands for, and not those bible thumping Chicken sammich makers. These are Chicago Values!"
Editor's Note: Sorry about the short post this week. I am having a wisdom tooth out later today and am not looking forward to it. So the funny is harder to come by. Anyone wishing to cheer me up can do so by clicking on an ad. That always makes me feel better.
Fashion: The Fashion world had its eyes glued to the 2 women who want to be The First Lady of the US in 2013, and they were not disappointed. Ann Romney was seen wearing an obscenely expensive 990.00 silk shirt, while Michelle Obama was seen looking royal in her reasonably priced 6800.00 jacket. Critics roundly scolded Mrs. Romney for being out of touch with such an expensive choice in shirts. Michelle Obama took a few moments between a Lobster Dinner in Maine and coffee in Maui to say "The Romney's are just out of touch they don't understand the plight of regular folks."
Politics: Still on the defensive regarding remarks he made about private enterprise not doing anything on its own, President Obama restated his claim that only massive government projects could create the Internet. Meanwhile the London Olympic Opening Ceremony featured the man who invented the World Wide Web, the usable backbone of the Internet. He reported launched a new website WWWkissmyassbarack.fu
Mitt Romney Drew fire this week by accurately stating what every newspaper and TV station in the world had been reporting for months. The London Olympics did not seem as prepared as they should be. After denouncing his remarks the people of London rallied to hold a Games filled with empty seat, complaints of price fixing and security breaches between Guards and Soldiers. When asked for comment Romney simply said "Oh, my bad. You guys TOTALLY have this sucker locked down tight! Great job. How quickly can I get to the airport from here?"
Chicago Values were on display this week when a flash mob stole 3000.00 worth of jeans from a high end store. Rahm Emanuel stated "I am just thankful that we have this example of what Chicago stands for, and not those bible thumping Chicken sammich makers. These are Chicago Values!"
Editor's Note: Sorry about the short post this week. I am having a wisdom tooth out later today and am not looking forward to it. So the funny is harder to come by. Anyone wishing to cheer me up can do so by clicking on an ad. That always makes me feel better.
Monday, July 30, 2012
On Sport and The World Stage
Every 4 years the world turns its attention to 2 events that hold our attention throughout the Summer. The Presidential election and the Olympic Games. One is a battle of well known power houses who slug it out in various venues while lesser known competitors vie for a chance just to be seen on such a large stage, the other is the Olympics.
Unless you are currently living under a rock, in a cave, on Mars, (And if you are then kudos on using your new found Internet connection to read this blog, good choice indeed!) then you are aware that the London Olympic Games began on Friday. The opening ceremonies (as they usually do) featured things the host country is most proud of. In this case, Music, National Health Care and the Invention of the World Wide Web were all featured. Now I could probably write a lengthy column right there about those 3 topics alone. (And lets face it, I really wanted the inventor of the World Wide Web to bitch slap Obama and say "yes as a matter of fact I DID build that") But I think I will leave most of that for my Wednesday news post.
I could also go write a bit about Romney's remarks about the preparations for the games. And how from his personal experience in Salt Lake he is one of the only people in the world actually qualified to make any remarks about how Olympics are run. But I will let that particular sleeping dog lie. I could mention the fact that Michelle Obama is at the Games while Barack was off fundraising. But I think that speaks for itself.
What I do want to discuss is the way the games make me feel each and every time.
Like so many kids around the world I used to watch the Games and Dream of one day standing on the podium hearing my Nation's Anthem played while its flag was lifted just for me. I practiced and even at one point thought I might have a real shot at it until a high school injury ended that hope. But to this day my heart swells when I see those rings and hear the drums that we all know so well. I watch those athletes march into the stadium with such joy and hope on their faces that it makes me feel proud of these kids whose names I do not even know. I watch the torch being lit and I dread the coming day when it will be extinguished. In short I love the games and everything they stand for.
Which brings me to the topic I actually wanted to write about. Michael Phelps. He is in is 3 consecutive games and trying to break the all time medal count (In the sport in which I once had hopes). In his first race he faltered and came in 4th. The media, rather than talking to those who won and letting us cheer them, immediately went to a tired Phelps still dripping from the race and asked him what it felt like to lose. This in my not so humble opinion was the crassest, most baseless and downright RUDE thing I have ever seen in all of Sports reporting. The man just lost an Olympic Race! How do you think it felt? It Sucked! no one goes to the games thinking "Man if only I can just barely lose, them I will be proud!" they go there to win. Most people don't. Most people feel lousy about it. Most people do not have a mic in their face immediately after losing asking them if it sucked.
The talking heads on American TV feel that it is vital to tell the "Story behind the games". Trying to get that angle is what lead to the embarrassing moment of the defeated Phelps with a camera and mic in front of him. The games are exciting enough of their own. Please stop trying to make us "feel' the way you think we should feel about them. Millions of people watch the NFL, NBA, MLB and other televised events without the need to be told how to "feel" about them. Baseball fans already know how they feel when their team enters a slump. the global audience is more than capable of watching the Olympics and deciding who to root for all on their own.
Please, just let them play.
Unless you are currently living under a rock, in a cave, on Mars, (And if you are then kudos on using your new found Internet connection to read this blog, good choice indeed!) then you are aware that the London Olympic Games began on Friday. The opening ceremonies (as they usually do) featured things the host country is most proud of. In this case, Music, National Health Care and the Invention of the World Wide Web were all featured. Now I could probably write a lengthy column right there about those 3 topics alone. (And lets face it, I really wanted the inventor of the World Wide Web to bitch slap Obama and say "yes as a matter of fact I DID build that") But I think I will leave most of that for my Wednesday news post.
I could also go write a bit about Romney's remarks about the preparations for the games. And how from his personal experience in Salt Lake he is one of the only people in the world actually qualified to make any remarks about how Olympics are run. But I will let that particular sleeping dog lie. I could mention the fact that Michelle Obama is at the Games while Barack was off fundraising. But I think that speaks for itself.
What I do want to discuss is the way the games make me feel each and every time.
Like so many kids around the world I used to watch the Games and Dream of one day standing on the podium hearing my Nation's Anthem played while its flag was lifted just for me. I practiced and even at one point thought I might have a real shot at it until a high school injury ended that hope. But to this day my heart swells when I see those rings and hear the drums that we all know so well. I watch those athletes march into the stadium with such joy and hope on their faces that it makes me feel proud of these kids whose names I do not even know. I watch the torch being lit and I dread the coming day when it will be extinguished. In short I love the games and everything they stand for.
Which brings me to the topic I actually wanted to write about. Michael Phelps. He is in is 3 consecutive games and trying to break the all time medal count (In the sport in which I once had hopes). In his first race he faltered and came in 4th. The media, rather than talking to those who won and letting us cheer them, immediately went to a tired Phelps still dripping from the race and asked him what it felt like to lose. This in my not so humble opinion was the crassest, most baseless and downright RUDE thing I have ever seen in all of Sports reporting. The man just lost an Olympic Race! How do you think it felt? It Sucked! no one goes to the games thinking "Man if only I can just barely lose, them I will be proud!" they go there to win. Most people don't. Most people feel lousy about it. Most people do not have a mic in their face immediately after losing asking them if it sucked.
The talking heads on American TV feel that it is vital to tell the "Story behind the games". Trying to get that angle is what lead to the embarrassing moment of the defeated Phelps with a camera and mic in front of him. The games are exciting enough of their own. Please stop trying to make us "feel' the way you think we should feel about them. Millions of people watch the NFL, NBA, MLB and other televised events without the need to be told how to "feel" about them. Baseball fans already know how they feel when their team enters a slump. the global audience is more than capable of watching the Olympics and deciding who to root for all on their own.
Please, just let them play.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Take your Dad to Work Day
This past Wednesday my company held its annual "Take your Child to Work Day". This was the first year that my youngest was old enough to attend. I had offered to take the youngest with me and leave her sister at home as the oldest had gone to several of these days without her little sister, I thought it would only be fair to offer her the chance of going on her own. At first she was very excited about the idea of spending the day at work with just her dad, but as the day drew near she decided it would be more fun to have her sister come too. The result I had twice as much help for the day as I had expected.
The day started on pretty shaky ground when I woke the 2 of them up just before 6am. I could tell they were preparing to protest the hour of the awakening when they remembered the reason. The anger quickly changed to happiness as they nearly jumped out of bed and into the clothes they had laid out the night before. They had brushed their hair and teeth before I managed to finishing getting ready myself. I was nearly pushed out the door in their eagerness to spend the day at my office.
The excited died down a bit during the 30 minute commute (I think at least one of them dozed off) but once we got to the office they perked right back up. I gave them a brief tour of the building, bought them some tater-tots from the cafeteria and we settled into my desk. They enjoyed playing with the various tools I use every day without a thought. The desk that raised and lowered itself, the phone that is dialed by the computer, the filing cabinets with the cushion seats on top; all these seemed wonderful to them.
One of the most important aspects of my job is a recorded interview that I do to investigate certain events. So that the girls could get a taste of what my day is like, I scheduled one of these interviews to take place while the girls were there. I set up a spare headset so they could listen in, and I proceeded with the interview. I was not sure what the girls would think of it, but they were fascinated. Once, we finished with the first interview, they instantly begged to be able to listen to more. We spent the rest of the day on the phone investigating various events. They loved every minute of it.
We finished the day (OK half day) with lunch with my co-workers. While the girls were very quiet, my colleagues were thrilled to have the girls there. After a filling lunch of chicken strips and curly fries we left for home. Both girls excited about the next time they could go to work with daddy, because (unbeknownst to me) I have the "most awesome job in the world". I have never felt prouder of what I do than I did right then. Now, I am the one looking forward to the next time they can come to work with me.
The day started on pretty shaky ground when I woke the 2 of them up just before 6am. I could tell they were preparing to protest the hour of the awakening when they remembered the reason. The anger quickly changed to happiness as they nearly jumped out of bed and into the clothes they had laid out the night before. They had brushed their hair and teeth before I managed to finishing getting ready myself. I was nearly pushed out the door in their eagerness to spend the day at my office.
The excited died down a bit during the 30 minute commute (I think at least one of them dozed off) but once we got to the office they perked right back up. I gave them a brief tour of the building, bought them some tater-tots from the cafeteria and we settled into my desk. They enjoyed playing with the various tools I use every day without a thought. The desk that raised and lowered itself, the phone that is dialed by the computer, the filing cabinets with the cushion seats on top; all these seemed wonderful to them.
One of the most important aspects of my job is a recorded interview that I do to investigate certain events. So that the girls could get a taste of what my day is like, I scheduled one of these interviews to take place while the girls were there. I set up a spare headset so they could listen in, and I proceeded with the interview. I was not sure what the girls would think of it, but they were fascinated. Once, we finished with the first interview, they instantly begged to be able to listen to more. We spent the rest of the day on the phone investigating various events. They loved every minute of it.
We finished the day (OK half day) with lunch with my co-workers. While the girls were very quiet, my colleagues were thrilled to have the girls there. After a filling lunch of chicken strips and curly fries we left for home. Both girls excited about the next time they could go to work with daddy, because (unbeknownst to me) I have the "most awesome job in the world". I have never felt prouder of what I do than I did right then. Now, I am the one looking forward to the next time they can come to work with me.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The Fake News Must Go On
Brian Ross of ABC News was tapped to head the Obama "Truth Team" this week in honor of his efforts to uncover the vast right wing conspiracy in Aurora. In announcing the move Team Obama released a statement that read in part: "Hey, maybe this particular shooter was not a Tea Party member, but we just know that some day, some where one of them will snap and that will be a great day for Democrats everywhere."
Mitt Romney was attacked this week for his use of Obama's remarks in which he said "If you own a business, you didn't build that". Obama spokesmen stated "Using the president's exact words in context is the kind of dirty tricks we have come to expect from our unbelievably honest opponent. It is time that Mr. Romney understands that blatant telling of the truth and facts has no place in American Politics and will not be tolerated."
The Jim Henson Company has severed all ties with Chik-fil-a stating that the Muppets no longer wanted to be associated with the strong Christian and family values represented by the chicken company's policies. The Muppets are reportedly now considering an endorsement deal with "Big Dave's house of Leather"
Weather Scientists predict the hot summer like weather to persist over most of North America through most of September. They further predict cold wintry weather from December through February.
The SyFy Channel has announced a 6 part investigative series into the latest UFO video to surface on the web. The History Channel had originally considered a series but declined when no reports of Nazis on the UFO could be found.
Tax Policy was debated this week as the Obama administration continues to insist that keeping the same tax rate that has been in place for the last 12 years is a tax cut and that allowing the rates to revert to 1990's levels is NOT a tax increase. They further argued that down is up, black is white and Tito was the most talented Jackson.
FNN - You only thought you knew the news.
Mitt Romney was attacked this week for his use of Obama's remarks in which he said "If you own a business, you didn't build that". Obama spokesmen stated "Using the president's exact words in context is the kind of dirty tricks we have come to expect from our unbelievably honest opponent. It is time that Mr. Romney understands that blatant telling of the truth and facts has no place in American Politics and will not be tolerated."
The Jim Henson Company has severed all ties with Chik-fil-a stating that the Muppets no longer wanted to be associated with the strong Christian and family values represented by the chicken company's policies. The Muppets are reportedly now considering an endorsement deal with "Big Dave's house of Leather"
Weather Scientists predict the hot summer like weather to persist over most of North America through most of September. They further predict cold wintry weather from December through February.
The SyFy Channel has announced a 6 part investigative series into the latest UFO video to surface on the web. The History Channel had originally considered a series but declined when no reports of Nazis on the UFO could be found.
Tax Policy was debated this week as the Obama administration continues to insist that keeping the same tax rate that has been in place for the last 12 years is a tax cut and that allowing the rates to revert to 1990's levels is NOT a tax increase. They further argued that down is up, black is white and Tito was the most talented Jackson.
FNN - You only thought you knew the news.
Monday, July 23, 2012
On Batman and the Definition of Terrorism
Unless you have been living under a rock (or inside the Big Brother House) you know what happened in Colorado last Friday morning during a screening of Dark Knight Rises. At this point many news outlets have covered the event extensively reporting the facts as best they can. Now, while I do have some issues and concerns about some of those facts (the early linking to a Tea Party Member that just happened to have the same name) and the quick attempts to fix a policy debate to the event (both for and against gun control) I am not going to discuss those here. What I am going to discuss is the bits of the puzzle that seem to have been overlooked in the media.
1) This was a terrorist attack. Early on Friday an announcement was made that the suspect had no known ties to any terrorist group and therefore this is not terrorism. While it may prove to be true that he acted alone and is not part of any group, it is not true that that alone means this is not terrorism. A terrorist act is designed to cause fear in as large a populace as possible and to influence behavior. An attack on the opening showing of the biggest movie of the year had the same effect as if he had shot up a Mall on Black Friday. Sure people still went to see the film and the 160 million dollar take is more than respectable, but it is far short of the record breaking numbers that were predicted. An estimated 4 million people DID NOT buy tickets to the movie this weekend, in addition it is impossible to know how many more people bought advance tickets and never used them. Based on those figures alone this classifies as a terrorist act.
2) This was well planned but not well thought out. We may or may not find out why Friday happened, but right now we do know a lot about how it happened. We know this was a planned two part attack, part one in the theater and part two when the police entered his apartment. Now luckily part 2 failed (likely due to his bragging about having bombs). But based on what I have seen in the press and what I know of Batman lore, I think I can make some good guesses here about his thoughts and where he went sideways. First based on the body armor and the booby traps we can assume that he wanted to live and never planned to return home. From this we can infer that he knew he was going to get caught. The joker was captured many times in film and print, so getting caught would have been expected. I believe that the shooter (I am deliberately not using his name) got the idea in his head that after he was captured, the police would mass on his home and then once the bombs went off, he would be able to escape custody. this is what the joker would have done. This is why I say it was not well thought out. Taking a plan from a movie script and expecting it to work in real life is not a sign of forethought.
3) Gun-Free Zones do not work. If we learn nothing else from Aurora, we should finally learn that criminals do not read the signs posted on doors. When a "gun-free zone" is created it eliminates only the guns being carried by law abiding citizens. When a bad guy with a gun starts doing bad things, he will continue until good guys with guns stop him. This has happened so many times (including this time) that perhaps maybe the lesson will sink in. Just imagine how different Friday might have been if several members of the crowd had been able to return fire. (Anyone that is about to say "he was wearing a bullet-proof vest" go put one on, get shot in the chest and THEN talk to me about how they work.)
So, where does this leave us? The attack may have kept 4 million or so people at home, but about 16 million people still went out and saw the movie. Even more will see it as time goes by. We tend to bounce back from things like this. After 9/11, we huddled together for a while then we pulled ourselves together and went about our lives. We will do it again. Quicker this time for sure. In the meantime, we should know that this guy is just a guy. He is not a super villain. He is not even all that clever, a clever criminal would not have told the cops about the bombs. He will end up outlawing or reducing costumes at theaters, but that is about it. Whatever plan he had, whatever his delusions of grandeur, whatever he hoped to do, he failed. My heart goes out to the families directly affected by this person, but I sleep well knowing that he will never harm another person and whatever he thought he was going to be doing today, he is not.
1) This was a terrorist attack. Early on Friday an announcement was made that the suspect had no known ties to any terrorist group and therefore this is not terrorism. While it may prove to be true that he acted alone and is not part of any group, it is not true that that alone means this is not terrorism. A terrorist act is designed to cause fear in as large a populace as possible and to influence behavior. An attack on the opening showing of the biggest movie of the year had the same effect as if he had shot up a Mall on Black Friday. Sure people still went to see the film and the 160 million dollar take is more than respectable, but it is far short of the record breaking numbers that were predicted. An estimated 4 million people DID NOT buy tickets to the movie this weekend, in addition it is impossible to know how many more people bought advance tickets and never used them. Based on those figures alone this classifies as a terrorist act.
2) This was well planned but not well thought out. We may or may not find out why Friday happened, but right now we do know a lot about how it happened. We know this was a planned two part attack, part one in the theater and part two when the police entered his apartment. Now luckily part 2 failed (likely due to his bragging about having bombs). But based on what I have seen in the press and what I know of Batman lore, I think I can make some good guesses here about his thoughts and where he went sideways. First based on the body armor and the booby traps we can assume that he wanted to live and never planned to return home. From this we can infer that he knew he was going to get caught. The joker was captured many times in film and print, so getting caught would have been expected. I believe that the shooter (I am deliberately not using his name) got the idea in his head that after he was captured, the police would mass on his home and then once the bombs went off, he would be able to escape custody. this is what the joker would have done. This is why I say it was not well thought out. Taking a plan from a movie script and expecting it to work in real life is not a sign of forethought.
3) Gun-Free Zones do not work. If we learn nothing else from Aurora, we should finally learn that criminals do not read the signs posted on doors. When a "gun-free zone" is created it eliminates only the guns being carried by law abiding citizens. When a bad guy with a gun starts doing bad things, he will continue until good guys with guns stop him. This has happened so many times (including this time) that perhaps maybe the lesson will sink in. Just imagine how different Friday might have been if several members of the crowd had been able to return fire. (Anyone that is about to say "he was wearing a bullet-proof vest" go put one on, get shot in the chest and THEN talk to me about how they work.)
So, where does this leave us? The attack may have kept 4 million or so people at home, but about 16 million people still went out and saw the movie. Even more will see it as time goes by. We tend to bounce back from things like this. After 9/11, we huddled together for a while then we pulled ourselves together and went about our lives. We will do it again. Quicker this time for sure. In the meantime, we should know that this guy is just a guy. He is not a super villain. He is not even all that clever, a clever criminal would not have told the cops about the bombs. He will end up outlawing or reducing costumes at theaters, but that is about it. Whatever plan he had, whatever his delusions of grandeur, whatever he hoped to do, he failed. My heart goes out to the families directly affected by this person, but I sleep well knowing that he will never harm another person and whatever he thought he was going to be doing today, he is not.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Dirty Pool
With 109 days left until the Presidential Election, things are getting nasty. On Thursday, blogs and Twitter were a buzz with jabs at Ann Romney and speculation of whether or not she said "you people" while discussing the release of more tax returns. I have no intention of debating whether or not she said that (she did not) what I want to talk about is the way it was received.
Not very long ago, it was considered the unwritten rule of politics that the Candidates family was off limits. In 2008 Rush Limbaugh was derided by members of his own party for pointing out that Michelle Obama had said "I have never been proud of America before now". A mere 4 years later and everything said by everyone is subject for debate and direct reflection on the candidate.
What is even more disheartening is the vicious nature of the attacks. For example one commenter stated "get your KKK hood out--you big racist--- pig racist! slime ball racist!" Now if we over look the destruction of the language and just get to the heart of saying "you people"="being racist" then we have a very scary prospect. The idea that anything uttered can now be labeled "racist" without proof or consequences, leaving it up to the accused to defend themselves is indeed chilling.
It has gotten to the point that as the supporters of Obama find it harder and harder to actually support what he stands for, they have decided to instead convince themselves they are voting against a far worse person in Romney. In order to do this they must make him seem less than human, different from the rest of us, somehow apart. By claiming that Ann called everyone else "you people" they succeed in that goal.
Having survived the brutal recall here in Wisconsin, I can state from experience that it will get much worse before it is over. I have seen teachers harassing kids on the way to school just because their dad is an office holder, I have seen vandalism, riots and 12 year old girls being shouted down by grown men. I have seen the dark side of Leftist politics, and it does not seem to be going away.
The best hope of returning civility to the discourse is the complete destruction of Liberal Ideas in the ballot box. Only then, (maybe) will we be able to begin healing. The left had a chance at healing the nation when in 2008 they won decisively. Instead of trying to heal the wounds they twisted the knife and then broke off the blade. The mistake was in assuming they had killed, when they had only wounded. Ask any hunter what happens when you wound a large animal. 2010 was just a warm up.
Editors Note- I may or may not see Dark Knight Rises over the weekend, If I do I will update early with my review of the film. Other wise Monday will feature a UFO video from a few years ago.
Not very long ago, it was considered the unwritten rule of politics that the Candidates family was off limits. In 2008 Rush Limbaugh was derided by members of his own party for pointing out that Michelle Obama had said "I have never been proud of America before now". A mere 4 years later and everything said by everyone is subject for debate and direct reflection on the candidate.
What is even more disheartening is the vicious nature of the attacks. For example one commenter stated "get your KKK hood out--you big racist--- pig racist! slime ball racist!" Now if we over look the destruction of the language and just get to the heart of saying "you people"="being racist" then we have a very scary prospect. The idea that anything uttered can now be labeled "racist" without proof or consequences, leaving it up to the accused to defend themselves is indeed chilling.
It has gotten to the point that as the supporters of Obama find it harder and harder to actually support what he stands for, they have decided to instead convince themselves they are voting against a far worse person in Romney. In order to do this they must make him seem less than human, different from the rest of us, somehow apart. By claiming that Ann called everyone else "you people" they succeed in that goal.
Having survived the brutal recall here in Wisconsin, I can state from experience that it will get much worse before it is over. I have seen teachers harassing kids on the way to school just because their dad is an office holder, I have seen vandalism, riots and 12 year old girls being shouted down by grown men. I have seen the dark side of Leftist politics, and it does not seem to be going away.
The best hope of returning civility to the discourse is the complete destruction of Liberal Ideas in the ballot box. Only then, (maybe) will we be able to begin healing. The left had a chance at healing the nation when in 2008 they won decisively. Instead of trying to heal the wounds they twisted the knife and then broke off the blade. The mistake was in assuming they had killed, when they had only wounded. Ask any hunter what happens when you wound a large animal. 2010 was just a warm up.
Editors Note- I may or may not see Dark Knight Rises over the weekend, If I do I will update early with my review of the film. Other wise Monday will feature a UFO video from a few years ago.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Faux News is Good News
Economy: President Obama surprised everyone by finally explaining the economy. Now that all Americans understand that getting ahead has nothing to do with hard work or good ideas everyone became a billionaire over night. Most towns are now in the process of removing their asphalt roads and repaving them with gold. One unforeseen consequence of everyone being rich however, is that no one seems willing to pave roads or pick up garbage.
Politics: Ron Paul has officially lost the race for the Republican Nomination for President. When he called Mitt Romney to conceded Romney accepted it graciously saying "Who are you and how did you get this number?"
Veepstakes: While rumors abound that Romney will announce his running mate sometime soon, FNN has learned that the Mayor of Talkeetna Alaska is in fact the front runner. With 15 years experience and the highest approval rating of any mayor in the nation we feel this is a perfect choice.
Sports: Athletes began arriving in London for the 2012 Summer Games to find the Olympic Village still under construction. When asked about the delays the foreman responded: "Wots this then? The Games are THIS year!? Blimey we best get cracking."
Weather: With most of the country locked in a severe draught scientists have been unable to conclusively tie the increased air temperature to the increased number of outdoor speeches given by Politicians. However, it has not been ruled out either.
Middle East: As tensions rise through all of the Arab States, and a full blown Civil war has been declared in Syria. Iran and Egypt are on the verge of separate wars with Israel and gas prices threaten to climb once more. The question on most American's Minds is : "Can I still get tickets to The Dark Knight Rises on Friday"
Politics: Ron Paul has officially lost the race for the Republican Nomination for President. When he called Mitt Romney to conceded Romney accepted it graciously saying "Who are you and how did you get this number?"
Veepstakes: While rumors abound that Romney will announce his running mate sometime soon, FNN has learned that the Mayor of Talkeetna Alaska is in fact the front runner. With 15 years experience and the highest approval rating of any mayor in the nation we feel this is a perfect choice.
Sports: Athletes began arriving in London for the 2012 Summer Games to find the Olympic Village still under construction. When asked about the delays the foreman responded: "Wots this then? The Games are THIS year!? Blimey we best get cracking."
Weather: With most of the country locked in a severe draught scientists have been unable to conclusively tie the increased air temperature to the increased number of outdoor speeches given by Politicians. However, it has not been ruled out either.
Middle East: As tensions rise through all of the Arab States, and a full blown Civil war has been declared in Syria. Iran and Egypt are on the verge of separate wars with Israel and gas prices threaten to climb once more. The question on most American's Minds is : "Can I still get tickets to The Dark Knight Rises on Friday"
Monday, July 16, 2012
Spoilers
As the world renown San Diego Comicon ends and the assorted "clips" released during it appear on the web, I am struck by how much we as a society seem to like "spoilers".
"Spoilers" are loosely defined as anything that gives insight into what will be seen later. A spoiler can be an excerpt from a book, an extended clip from a movie, the first few minutes of a TV show or in the case of a certain Time traveler a glimpse of the actual future.
Arguably the most anticipated movie of the year will be released later this week. When 'The Dark Knight Rises" hits theaters on Friday, it is expected to shatter all previous opening records. Because breaking every record known to man is not enough, the producers have decided to drum up extra attention by releasing a 13 minute sneak peek short and showing the film in full to a hand picked group of journalists who were sworn to secrecy. (I was not one of them).
The behind the scenes short film is pretty impressive. It gives a real taste of what the movie is likely to be and makes a person eager to see it. The problem comes from those sworn to secrecy about the whole film. you see a large number of people who did not see the film, claim to have seen the film and have released their so-called "spoilers" to the unsuspecting web.
I read a "spoiler" over the weekend that was clearly the produced by someone who had read the comic books closely and seen a couple of trailers but had certainly not seen the movie. This did not stop the writer from claiming to have inside knowledge to the film and extensive details into the plot and events. This is not the first time I have seen this. I first came across the phenomenon before the release of "Cloverfield" A highly secretive film with a massive viral campaign. People would take the desire for a "Spoiler" and turn that into traffic for their site just by claiming to be "in the know". The thing is, it works every time.
So why are we so interested in "knowing" beforehand? Is it just natural curiosity? Is it the thrill of being the first to know something your peers want to know also? Is it just a form of greed?
I think "spoilers" start when we are very young and first sneak into our parents room to find what is hidden in that large bag from a toy store that we saw them carry in just days before our birthday. We gladly ruin our own surprise, just for a glimpse, a taste of what is to come. History, legends and pop-culture are full of examples of horrible things happening to people who try to get that glimpse of forbidden knowledge. I wonder if we will ever get the hint.
So the next time you are trying to find a spoiler, remember: the surprise is often worth the wait.
"Spoilers" are loosely defined as anything that gives insight into what will be seen later. A spoiler can be an excerpt from a book, an extended clip from a movie, the first few minutes of a TV show or in the case of a certain Time traveler a glimpse of the actual future.
Arguably the most anticipated movie of the year will be released later this week. When 'The Dark Knight Rises" hits theaters on Friday, it is expected to shatter all previous opening records. Because breaking every record known to man is not enough, the producers have decided to drum up extra attention by releasing a 13 minute sneak peek short and showing the film in full to a hand picked group of journalists who were sworn to secrecy. (I was not one of them).
The behind the scenes short film is pretty impressive. It gives a real taste of what the movie is likely to be and makes a person eager to see it. The problem comes from those sworn to secrecy about the whole film. you see a large number of people who did not see the film, claim to have seen the film and have released their so-called "spoilers" to the unsuspecting web.
I read a "spoiler" over the weekend that was clearly the produced by someone who had read the comic books closely and seen a couple of trailers but had certainly not seen the movie. This did not stop the writer from claiming to have inside knowledge to the film and extensive details into the plot and events. This is not the first time I have seen this. I first came across the phenomenon before the release of "Cloverfield" A highly secretive film with a massive viral campaign. People would take the desire for a "Spoiler" and turn that into traffic for their site just by claiming to be "in the know". The thing is, it works every time.
So why are we so interested in "knowing" beforehand? Is it just natural curiosity? Is it the thrill of being the first to know something your peers want to know also? Is it just a form of greed?
I think "spoilers" start when we are very young and first sneak into our parents room to find what is hidden in that large bag from a toy store that we saw them carry in just days before our birthday. We gladly ruin our own surprise, just for a glimpse, a taste of what is to come. History, legends and pop-culture are full of examples of horrible things happening to people who try to get that glimpse of forbidden knowledge. I wonder if we will ever get the hint.
So the next time you are trying to find a spoiler, remember: the surprise is often worth the wait.
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