Hosni Mubarak: The former Egyptian Leader was in a military hospital this week recovering from a "Health Crisis" which at one point had him listed as "in a coma" , "On Life Support" "Clinically Dead" "Mostly Dead" "Dead Dead" and "Why won't the b*stard just die?". The exact cause of the crisis is unknown. In unrelated news prison guards in Egypt this week announced their new gun powder scented cleaning sprays which were in use on the same floor as Mubarak on the day of the health scare.
Global Warming: Scientists this week point to the dramatic rise in temperatures across the Northern Hemisphere as proof of world wide warming. Lead scientistician F.R Monger stated: "Just look at Minnesota, it is going to be about 100 degrees warmer today than it was just 6 months ago at the end of December! Wake up people!" Al Gore attended the event in 17 SUVs 3 Leer Jets and a 75 foot boat.
Immigration: This week President Obama gave blanket amnesty to nearly 1 million people who had come to the nation illegally as children. A statement released on the topic stated: "These are good hard working reliably Democratic Voters, forcing them to leave simply because they have broken numerous state and federal laws is just ridiculous."
Obamacare: With a ruling on the new health care law expected from the Supreme Court at any time, leaders are joking for position in advance of the ruling. "We never really wanted Health Care Reform in the first place and blame the Bush administration for forcing this law on the nation. We will be well rid of it." - Barack Obama
Wawa: MSNBC came under fire this week for selective editing once again. in a release they stated: "Come on Look at Ed and Rachel, no one can think this is a real news outlet anymore? Does anyone report on it when The Daily Show or the Onion or Weekend update make up news? I don't think so. Learn to take a joke people!"
Detroit: A man with 300.00 in his account was allowed to withdraw 1.5 million dollars in 17 days from ATMs at casinos around Detroit in early 2009. When asked why he thought he was allowed to make the huge withdraws he stated: "Obama had just been elected and passed a stimulus plan, I figured the money was just part of that."
Breaking News: President Obama firmly states that his administration has nothing to hide in the so called Fast and Furious investigation. Proves it by declaring Executive Privilege over missing Documents. He then dropped his pants bent over and yelled "Kiss it Congress!"
FNN- News you can reuse.
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