Eric Holder: This week Republican law makers called for the resignation of the Attorney General over allegations of misconduct. General Holder responded by putting his thumbs in his ears, wagging his fingers and chanting "nananana you can't get me."
Al-Qaida: Somali terrorists offered a bounty of 10 camels for information regarding the location of President Obama and 20 chickens for information on Hillary Clinton. Michelle and Bill are currently in negotiations over how to split the bounty.
Wisconsin: In an effort to mend fences after the bitter recall battle Governor Walker invited every member of the legislature to his house for beer, burgers and brats. Things took an ugly turn when after the governor dropped a brat that he had just finished grilling. At that point the entire Democrat contingent stood up and began chanting "SHAME". Later as they were trying to vote on rules for the horseshoe competition, the 14 Democrat Senators secretly boarded a bus and went to a resort in Illinois.
Weather: Educators throughout the Midwest remained shocked as for an entire week the Universe has failed to collapse after the Wisconsin recall election. UW-Madison Professor of Meteorology and Minority Relations Sunshine Dayfeather stated " I do not understand, the Apocalypse should have started days ago. The streets should be filled with the blood of the dead and dying. I have no idea what is going on." She then crawled under her front porch and cried for several hours.
Campaign Finance: Administration officials announced this week that should Obama win a second term he would seek a constitutional amendment to keep anyone from ever again spending as much money on campaigns as he has. "Just look at the Campaigns we have run, what more proof do you need that money is the root of all evil?"
Intelligence Leaks: David Axelrod denied allegations that recent leaks of classified intelligence materials to the press had come from the White House. "It should be obvious to anyone that any and all intelligence had leaked out of the White House years ago."
Economy: President Obama ensured himself re-election this week by fixing the economy and employment, He announced on Friday that "Everything is fine". As a result of this pronouncement unemployment immediately dropped to 0% the National Debt was paid off and Unicorns were seen wandering the land. Mitt Romney withdrew from the Presidential Race Saying "I had no idea he could do that! this guy is amazing! I hear he s going to make the Middle -east "fine" next! I can't wait" Critics asked why he had not done this earlier but they were quickly shot.
This is FNN
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